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It is important for people to take risks both in their professional lives and thier personal lives. Advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages.

#people #risks #lives #thier #trend
It’s considered by some people that taking risks is essential in individual and professional lives. In my opinion, I think taking it will gain experience and new adventures, and these advantages have overdrawn the disadvantages like losing cash or time.
Firstly
, taking risks will help to have new knowledge. If someone is involved in a new business or
decided
Wrong verb form
decides
show examples
to invest in a project he will learn
either
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 is it good or bad to do
this
 kind of project.
For example
, once I started to sell cakes for supermarkets, I realized that the people of the area prefer candy to cakes. It was a good try for me and I learned to study the market first. So, it's better to try and lose rather than be afraid with no knowledge. the second reason is it gives the person a chance to experience new adventures,
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 getting know to new places by travelling.
For instance
, visiting new countries will introduce people to different cultures and civilizations which can't be known by being afraid of travelling or fears of dealing with other nationalities. and
this
 would never count as a loss at all.
On the other hand
, both being involved in new business or adventures will cost, especially if it needs a large amount of money or
needs
Verb problem
apply
show examples
valuable time. To illustrate, if someone has an idea to travel for business by money-saving it for university fees and before exams, definitely it would be lost if he couldn't succeed.
To conclude
, risks are important to gain experience and the joy of discovering new places,
However
, it might cost valuable money and time. But I think in most cases the former ones are worth risking the latter.
Submitted by Fatima Sami on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a good framework for the essay. However, the logical structure of the essay could be improved by organizing the body paragraphs more coherently. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point and transitions smoothly to the next.
Task Achievement
The response provides a clear discussion of the topic, but could be more comprehensive in addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in personal and professional lives. Try to explore the drawbacks of taking risks and provide a balanced view in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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