Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is a very controversial question, I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that the same punishments should be imposed equally on juvenile delinquency and adult
misdeed
Fix the agreement mistake
misdeeds
show examples
. Children are responsible for their actions. Yet,
according to
the seriousness of their felony,
immature
Replace the word
immaturity
show examples
must
punish
Wrong verb form
be punished
show examples
the same way as adults or not. On the one hand, in my mind, in the case of theft, robbery, and fighting, I agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters must be punished in lenient ways. The reason is that they are too young and maybe not fully aware of what they have done. So, in
this
situation, sending them
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison is not the solution and it is unfair treatment towards them. In my opinion, the authorities must punish them by giving them community service, because youngsters are the backbone of any society. I just remembered one case
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
India, there were four teenagers
done
Verb problem
who committed
show examples
robbery and later on coughed by
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
, they were sent
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to prison after when they came out from there, they
commit
Wrong verb form
committed
show examples
murder which is the biggest crime in the whole world, the government can prevent crime if they want
for example
in these kinds of infraction juvenile must send in NGO, not in prison because they need the correct their mistakes and become a responsible person in the future lives.
On the other hand
, in
such
a charge of murder, I strongly believe that they must be penalized in the same way as a juvenile killer. If the administration wants, they can stop Youngs to deterred
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
reoffending.
For example
, in Vietnam, their teens still received harsh penalties
due to
their inhuman nature. The way they killed the whole family. In conclusion, I reckon, that young people must not be treated like
adolescence
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
, they must be punished for their felony and cruelty, and their reprimand must depend on act seriousness.
Submitted by ahtesham on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: The response only partially addresses the prompt, lacking a clear and comprehensive exploration of the given topic. The arguments presented lack depth and fail to showcase a thorough understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is somewhat clear, with some attempt at creating a coherent flow of ideas. However, the essay lacks a strong introduction and conclusion, and the connection between ideas could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: