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Band 6.5

Children today spend too much time playing on screens and not enough time doing physical activity. We need to get rid of our children’s devices to avoid severe strains on our health system in the future. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #time #screens #activity #children’s #devices #strains #health #system #future
Nowadays, electronic
devices
such
 as mobile phones or iPad play essential parts in our lives, including our
children
’s lives. Whether spending too much
time
 on
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
 results in less physical activity, I disagree with completely removing these electrical
devices
 from our
children
 for many reasons.
This
 essay will demonstrate
this
 statement using examples to support arguments and demonstrate points. While
children
 spend significant
time
 using smartphones or iPad, especially in the COVID-19 era,
Children
 can use these
devices
 for studying and communicating with friends and family, not only for entertainment purposes. These days, there is a pool of knowledge that
children
 can learn from online courses or on YouTube,
such
 as crafting, music, or even language lessons, and Many of them are convenient and valuable.
Therefore
, electrical
devices
also
 help
children
 create many skills and should not be wholly eradicated. Due to past research saying that too much screen
time
 can cause health problems and inattention in
children
, many companies create many features in their
devices
 for
children
.
For example
, Video platforms, including YouTube, make a
children
-only section that helps filter many inappropriate videos. There is a
time
-restriction feature in many electrical
devices
, to help parents manage
time
 for their
children
, and
also
 an application
for example
 exercising applications that encourage physical activity. In conclusion, I disagree with absolutely prohibiting
children
 from using mobile phones and iPad because
although
 physical activity is essential for
children
’s growth and health, these electrical
devices
 have many benefits. If we use them with caution, they can even be used to encourage
children
 to do more physical activities.
Submitted by supitcha.nv on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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