IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#people #choices
Several
people
 argue that in modern
society
 every
person
 has different
choices
. Nowadays,
choices
 are more accessible, than two hundred years ago.
People
 have a lot of ways to become successful.
The freedom
Correct article usage
Freedom
show examples
 now is
simple
Add an article
a simple
show examples
 thing for us. I completely agree with
this
 statement. There are several reasons why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
society
 has too many
choices
.
First
 of all need to say that our
society
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 time is
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
.
The human
Correct article usage
Human
show examples
 rights are higher estimated. The
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
 between
people
based
Add a missing verb
is based
show examples
 on law and rules. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 educated, have
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 ideas and views. The government quarantined school education, health care and safety
society
. Nobody
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
 about basic needs if he works. So every
person
able
Add a missing verb
is able
show examples
 to choose what to do,
where
Correct word choice
and where
show examples
 to live. He is free as a wind. On the other side, the freedom and widest of
choices
 might have bad sides.
Availability
Correct article usage
The availability
show examples
 of social media and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 sometimes goes far than it
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
. Teenagers can search and see prohibited content and video on the Internet.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
people
 could play online gambling games and spend
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of money.
Ability
Correct article usage
The ability
show examples
 to purchase a gun for protection can be used
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 criminal cases or even
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 massive
murder
Fix the agreement mistake
murders
show examples
. To sum
up
Add a comma
,up
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
society
 has plenty of
choice
Change to a plural noun
choices
show examples
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
 to do and how to live. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of
opportunity
Change to a plural noun
opportunities
show examples
 to be successful, educated and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
. There is no doubt that more
choices
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 good, but the rights of one
person
 end where the right of another
person
 starts.
Submitted by engformedet on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
Look at other essays: