IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people feel that the media has the strongest impact on people’s lives. Others feel that it is politicians who have the most control over the way people lives. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#people #media #impact #people’s #lives #politicians #control
someone argue that the biggest one which
effect
Change the verb form
effects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 life is the
media
, while other
people
 think
that is
 influential
politicians
. Both views will be discussed, and I believe that the former view would be more convincing. On the one hand, the
media
 would have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
power
 which can handle
people
.
First
 of all, these days, we tend not to be able to live without the mass
media
. Not only the amount of
media
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 the number of
people
 exposed to it is significantly increasing.
Therefore
, it results
to
Change preposition
in to
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
media's
Correct article usage
the media's
show examples
 influence.
For example
, we would face many kinds of advertisements. You might have some experience; you sing along
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 song of
advertisement
Correct article usage
the advertisement
show examples
which
Change preposition
to which
show examples
 you were exposed repeatably.
Secondly
, most
people
 would have a belief which is without a little
doubts
Correct the article-noun agreement
doubt
show examples
.
For instance
, there would be so
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 information, which
are
Change the verb form
is
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 not
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
, but the public
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 it with few doubts.
Such
 situations can prove the
power
 of mass
media
.
On the other hand
, the more
power
 the
politicians
 have, the more impact their talk can have.
Firstly
, all the
people
 must follow the politics which
politicians
 make because it can be compulsory.
Therefore
, as
people
 can
controlled
Change the verb form
be controlled
show examples
 by it, it would have
impact
Add an article
an impact
the impact
show examples
 which cannot ignore. In the
second
 place,
such
 politics give
people
 a belief that it was proved through a series of
complex
Add an article
a complex
the complex
show examples
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
show examples
. it results in
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
believe
Wrong verb form
believing
show examples
 it and it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 the
power
 of
politicians
, as well. In conclusion, the
media
 would have
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 strong influence which can handle
people
although
 the impact of
politicians
 is
also
 strong.
Thus
, I suppose that the
media
 would be the biggest effect on
people
.
Submitted by eomjimin0711 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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