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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that the media has the strongest impact on people’s lives. Others feel that it is politicians who have the most control over the way people lives. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#people #media #impact #people’s #lives #politicians #control
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someone argue that the biggest one which
effect
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effects
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on
Change preposition
apply
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Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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 life is the
media
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, while other
people
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 think
that is
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 influential
politicians
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. Both views will be discussed, and I believe that the former view would be more convincing. On the one hand, the
media
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 would have
a
Correct article usage
the
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power
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 which can handle
people
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.
First
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 of all, these days, we tend not to be able to live without the mass
media
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. Not only the amount of
media
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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 the number of
people
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 exposed to it is significantly increasing.
Therefore
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, it results
to
Change preposition
in to
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 increase
of
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in
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Use synonyms
media's
Correct article usage
the media's
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 influence.
For example
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, we would face many kinds of advertisements. You might have some experience; you sing along
the
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to the
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 song of
advertisement
Correct article usage
the advertisement
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which
Change preposition
to which
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 you were exposed repeatably.
Secondly
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, most
people
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 would have a belief which is without a little
doubts
Correct the article-noun agreement
doubt
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.
For instance
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, there would be so
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
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 information, which
are
Change the verb form
is
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 not
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
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, but the public
believe
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believes
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 it with few doubts.
Such
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 situations can prove the
power
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 of mass
media
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.
On the other hand
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, the more
power
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 the
politicians
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 have, the more impact their talk can have.
Firstly
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, all the
people
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 must follow the politics which
politicians
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 make because it can be compulsory.
Therefore
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, as
people
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 can
controlled
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be controlled
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 by it, it would have
impact
Add an article
an impact
the impact
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 which cannot ignore. In the
second
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 place,
such
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 politics give
people
Use synonyms
 a belief that it was proved through a series of
complex
Add an article
a complex
the complex
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process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
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. it results in
that
Correct word choice
apply
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people
Use synonyms
believe
Wrong verb form
believing
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 it and it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
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 the
power
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 of
politicians
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, as well. In conclusion, the
media
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 would have
very
Add an article
a very
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 strong influence which can handle
people
Use synonyms
although
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 the impact of
politicians
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 is
also
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 strong.
Thus
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, I suppose that the
media
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 would be the biggest effect on
people
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.
Submitted by eomjimin0711 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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