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Band 6.5

Children are facing more pressure nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?.

#children #pressure #perspectives #pressures #measures
Nowadays, many children get more pressure from academic, social, and commercial problems.
This
 essay will examine the reasons and suggest possible solutions regarding
this
 statement that can be given below.
First
 of all, one of the
first
 reasons is that there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tight competition among other students to get admission to enter universities.
This
 would mean that many
parents
 are forcing their offspring to study and work hard to achieve their goals. In
this
 situation, children tend to be pressurized by their
parents
 because of their ambition.
For example
, one of my friends from college is having mental issues because of the low marks on his reports.
Therefore
, he often being scolded by his
parents
 for his result.
On the other hand
, there are some solutions to these issues. One of the ways is that the government should hold some campaign programs in the media and in the education centre to educate students and
parents
.
Therefore
, pupils would be taught to be cooperative rather than competitive ways.
This
 would mean that these solutions would reduce pupils' pressure and stress in order to have healthy lifestyles.
For instance
, in my country in Indonesia, the government provides campaign programs through media and schools on society.
As a result
, the survey done by the researcher showed that only 5% were pressurized in Indonesia. To sum it up,
this
 pressure indeed gives a lot of negative sides to young adults.
Therefore
, I completely agree that there should be programs to mediate both
parents
 and their offspring.
Submitted by hendonhp27 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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