IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime is attributed to violence in the media. Do you agree that this is the main cause of juvenile crime? What do you suggest to deal with this situation?

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Young people are indulging
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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evil deeds
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
, regardless of their place to where they belong, either could be from developed
of
Correct your spelling
or
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 developing countries. Frequently it is thought that the high jump in underage
crime
Use synonyms
 is mainly derived from the cruelty
that is
Linking Words
 shown
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
 or
tele
Correct your spelling
the
media
Use synonyms
. In the
further
Linking Words
 essay pre-mentioned and other
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 of youngster’s
crime
Use synonyms
 along with their solutions will be discussed. In
this
Linking Words
 digital
era
Add a comma
,era
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
 is getting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hype, as well as becoming the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of attention of
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation.
Although
Linking Words
 it is essential to cope with the modern requirement of education for students of early
age
Use synonyms
,
on
Change preposition
at
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 the same time teenagers deviate from
Add an article
the there
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
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 main purpose and get attracted by the shown
brualty
Correct your spelling
brutality
 and terrorism kind of stuff. Because in
this
Linking Words
 early puberty
age
Use synonyms
 years, the mindset of a person can be
mold
Wrong verb form
moulded
show examples
 easily, so people
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 ultimately set into major and minor both types of
crime
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study was conducted
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Harvard University which has shown
70
Correct word choice
that 70
show examples
% of students of O and A
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 indulge
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal activities due to
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of parental supervision while using social
media
Use synonyms
. Parents should give priority to their children and have to keep an eye on their activities on mobiles, television and other gadgets. Other than
this
Linking Words
 moral teaching of the offspring can reduce the rate of juvenile
crime
Use synonyms
 rate. If exemplify, in Netherland a survey has proved that child lock for the
age
Use synonyms
 limit on
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 in electronic gadgets operated by parents has reduced
this
Linking Words
 issue to 50%. So, in short guardian’s
Correct your spelling
surveillance
survelliance
Correct your spelling
surveillance
 can control the situation. In the nutshell,
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
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 number of street crimes by teenagers are done due to the inspiration from multimedia, Which can be
minimize
Wrong verb form
minimised
show examples
 by the active action taken by the parents.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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