some people say that what children watch influences their bhavior . Other believe that amount of time they spend on television influences their behaviors most . Discuss both views and give your opinion

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People have differing views with regard to the question of which factor will influence
children
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children's
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behaviors
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behaviours
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most. In my opinion, what kind of messages
do
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apply
show examples
children receive from
tv
programmes will have the most badly effect on them. On the one hand, it’s true that spending
a
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apply
show examples
plenty of time
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watching
wacthing
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watching
tv
shows will have a negative impact on them.
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Firstly
Firtly
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Firstly
, there are reluctant to do outdoor activities as they become addicted to
wath
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with
different kinds of entertainment shows.
This
may
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result
resulte
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result
in a sedentary lifestyle and
harmful
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is harmful
show examples
for
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to
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their
healthy
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health
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since lack of
exercising
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exercise
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.
Moreover
, it will
also
have a damaging effect on their social skill. Spending too much
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time
Tim
tim
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time
in front of the screen, they would not desire to hang out with their friends,like playing football,
doing
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or doing
show examples
volunteer which
involve
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involves
show examples
interactions with others.
Therefore
, it would present obstacles to
make
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making
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friends and
build
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building
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social
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a social
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circle
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circles
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.
On the other hand
, the content of
tv
shows would put more threat on their
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
. For children,
tv
shows are
main
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the main
show examples
sources of information which means what they see might
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influence
infuence
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influence
how they see the world.
For example
,In recent years, numerous violate imagery or films
appears
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appear
show examples
in
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on
show examples
the
tv
without regulation.
Many
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Much
show examples
junvenils
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juveniles
juvenile
delinquency
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delinquencies
show examples
are
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is
show examples
associated with
this
kind of
shows
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show
show examples
.
Such as
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As
show examples
the joker which contains a lot of violent
screen
Change to a plural noun
screens
show examples
, after
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watching
wathching
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watching
it ,
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children
chilren
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children
are eager to do
illgal
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illegal
things just like him. So the substances
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
tv
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
will influence
their
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them
show examples
mostly. In conclusion ,
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
of time does affect youngsters, it is the content of the shows that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
remarkable
Add an article
a remarkable
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influence on them.
Submitted by 元气少女鲁智深 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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