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Band 6

some people say that what children watch influences their bhavior . Other believe that amount of time they spend on television influences their behaviors most . Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #children #influences #bhavior #amount #time #television #behaviors
People have differing views with regard to the question of which factor will influence
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 most. In my opinion, what kind of messages
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
children receive from
tv
 programmes will have the most badly effect on them. On the one hand, it’s true that spending
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of time
Correct your spelling
watching
wacthing
Correct your spelling
watching
tv
 shows will have a negative impact on them.
Correct your spelling
Firstly
Firtly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, there are reluctant to do outdoor activities as they become addicted to
wath
Correct your spelling
with
 different kinds of entertainment shows.
This
 may
Correct your spelling
result
resulte
Correct your spelling
result
 in a sedentary lifestyle and
harmful
Add a missing verb
is harmful
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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 their
healthy
Replace the word
health
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 since lack of
exercising
Replace the word
exercise
show examples
.
Moreover
, it will
also
 have a damaging effect on their social skill. Spending too much
Correct your spelling
time
Tim
tim
Correct your spelling
time
 in front of the screen, they would not desire to hang out with their friends,like playing football,
doing
Correct word choice
or doing
show examples
 volunteer which
involve
Change the verb form
involves
show examples
 interactions with others.
Therefore
, it would present obstacles to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 friends and
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
social
Add an article
a social
show examples
circle
Fix the agreement mistake
circles
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.
On the other hand
, the content of
tv
 shows would put more threat on their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. For children,
tv
 shows are
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 sources of information which means what they see might
Correct your spelling
influence
infuence
Correct your spelling
influence
 how they see the world.
For example
 ,In recent years, numerous violate imagery or films
appears
Correct subject-verb agreement
appear
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
tv
 without regulation.
Many
Replace the quantifier
Much
show examples
junvenils
Correct your spelling
juveniles
juvenile
delinquency
Change to a plural noun
delinquencies
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 associated with
this
 kind of
shows
Fix the agreement mistake
show
show examples
.
Such as
Correct quantifier usage
As
show examples
 the joker which contains a lot of violent
screen
Change to a plural noun
screens
show examples
, after
Correct your spelling
watching
wathching
Correct your spelling
watching
 it ,
Correct your spelling
children
chilren
Correct your spelling
children
 are eager to do
illgal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 things just like him. So the substances
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
tv
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 will influence
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 mostly. In conclusion ,
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of time does affect youngsters, it is the content of the shows that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
remarkable
Add an article
a remarkable
show examples
 influence on them.
Submitted by 元气少女鲁智深 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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