IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects. Other people say this is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both side of views and give your opinion.

#people #school #students #study #news #subjects #waste #time #side
Nowadays, people have different views about whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international
news
 should be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part of the
subjects
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
secondary school or not.
Although
 some believe that inserting the international
news
 has an adverse impact, others, myself included, reckon that it is indeed
Correct article usage
the bottom-line
show examples
bottom-line
Correct your spelling
bottom line
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children’s
 education. On the one hand, embedding the
subject
 called international
news
 on the lists of officially approved
subjects
 impedes loaded and valuable
children’s
 time.
This
 means that
children’s
 concentration is diluted by the
assortation
Correct your spelling
association
 of things that proved to be presumably the major
subjects
 like
mathematic
Replace the word
mathematics
show examples
 and physics.
Therefore
, not a nominal amount of the children
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 feedback that they relinquish concerning time management in accordance with
a great deal of
Change the quantifier
a lot of
many
plenty of
show examples
subjects
.
For example
, I saw many students
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
struggling with their existing class schedule and they are
subject
 to lose focus
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any supplementary
subject
.
Consequently
, the new
subject
 can hinder the
children’s
 performance and arrangements in terms of
syllabus
Add an article
the syllabus
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the international
news
subject
 can boost their insights
about
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the process which is occurred in abroad. More importantly, instructors teaching
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different
subjects
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
show examples
 the
children’s
 awareness of contemporary issues, cultures, and socioeconomic concepts. To conclude, it might be a little too much for students to have it as a new
subject
;
however
, I suggest that
this
 kind of
subject
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
children’s
 formulation as well as their future
carriers
Correct your spelling
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by unalhuseynli2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: