IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It's better to be unemployed than to be employed in the jobs that people do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#jobs #people
It is argued that
people
 should remain unemployed than
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
do the job which they dislike. From my point of view, I cannot agree with
this
 statement.
To begin
 with,
people
 can hardly survive when they are unemployed. If
people
 are jobless,
then
 they cannot get paid. As a consequence, it would be hard for
people
 to support themselves. They will have no money to buy daily necessities and pay electricity bills.
Moreover
,
people
 will be unlikely to return to
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
workplace
Replace the word
work
show examples
 if they avoid working for a
Correct your spelling
period
peroid
Correct your spelling
period
 of time. They might have trouble
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
completing daily tasks when they are back to
jobs
 some day, for they are used to the easy lives at home. Unemployment
also
 carries burdens
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 families and taxpayers.
People
 without
jobs
 not only fail to support
the
Change the word
their
show examples
Correct your spelling
family
familiy
Correct your spelling
families
 but
also
 get pensions from the government.
On the other hand
, forcing
people
 to do what they hate
also
 has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 effect on individuals and society.
For instance
, teachers who do not enjoy teaching will be unhappy when they are in the classroom with students. They cannot fully devote themselves to teaching, and they might be impatient
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the schoolchildren.
Therefore
, students cannot learn what they want from these teachers, and they might fail to get enough support and encouragement. In conclusion, I disagree that
people
 should choose to be unemployed if they do not have favourite
jobs
. And doing the
jobs
 reluctantly without
passions
Fix the agreement mistake
passion
show examples
 and
contributions
Fix the agreement mistake
contribution
show examples
 is neither a good practice for individuals
and
Correct word choice
nor
show examples
 society.
Submitted by 1123747551 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: