IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
The majority of
poloticians
Correct your spelling
politicians
 think that the most crucial aim of government should be economic
progress
.
On the other hand
, some
people
 say that progressing in other subjects is important as well. I agree with the
second
 point of view, and I believe that cultural and scientific
progress
 are two critical for society. There are many reasons that prove economic progression is one of the most important
goal
Change to a plural noun
goals
show examples
 of governments.
First
, money is one of the basic needs of
people
 that
associated
Add a missing verb
is associated
show examples
 with many other things.
For example
, all individuals need to have healthy food and suitable cloth.
The economic
Correct article usage
Economic
show examples
 growth helps
people
 to provide
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 needs and become happy.
Second
,
powerful
Add an article
the powerful
a powerful
show examples
 economy can increase the quality of individual's lives and
also
 provide a condition for other fields.
However
, there are several crucial reasons why other aspects of societies like culture and science.
Firstly
, scientific
advance
Fix the agreement mistake
advances
show examples
 create new ideas to improve our understanding of the world around
and
Correct pronoun usage
us and
show examples
 prevent many problems.
For instance
, medical
progress
 can increase the level of
people
's health, and prevent many diseases.
Secondly
, cultural progression
such
 as art, history, and human science is a vital requirement of each society
Correct your spelling
because
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 these subjects can increase our knowledge of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human nature.
This
 can help
people
 to learn from the past and think about their future. In conclusion,
although
 It is true that creating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic growth is a critical responsibility of each government, other advances are vital. I believe that each nation needs to
progress
 in every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
 of life.
Submitted by omid.afsharpour on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: