IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's world,
people
Use synonyms
 argue about the
ederly
Correct your spelling
elderly
 keep working to the age they want. In my opinion, the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 issue outweigh the advantages. The essay will
Correct your spelling
analyse
analise
Correct your spelling
analyse
work
Use synonyms
 at any
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 will give the old a chance to pay for their daily needs as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 benefit, and how their
health
Use synonyms
 will be affected as a drawback before clarifying the conclusion. On the one hand, letting old
people
Use synonyms
 continue to
work
Use synonyms
 will help them earn a living.
For example
Linking Words
, my parents after retiring,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are still working. They had opened a small restaurant in their house to pay
medicine
Replace the word
medical
show examples
 bills without depending
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
Correct your spelling
grandchildren
grandchildren's
grandchildrens
Correct your spelling
grandchildren
show examples
. It can be seen that the elderly still make money
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own in order to avoid disturbing
people
Use synonyms
 around them.
Although
Linking Words
 having a lot of benefit from allowing the elderly
Use synonyms
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
 at any age they want,
this
Linking Words
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 harm to their
health
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Correct your spelling
adhering
ageing
anheing
Correct your spelling
ageing
 affects
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the elderly a lot in terms of
health
Use synonyms
 and
work
Use synonyms
 productivity and it leads
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
lot of risks in their business rather than when they were young.
Moreover
Linking Words
, their
health
Use synonyms
 can not allow them to keep working when they get older because they will get some disease
such
Linking Words
 as
memories
Change the noun form
memory
show examples
 loss.
For example
Linking Words
, my uncle who is over 60 years old,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
always
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 sick easily like
heart
Add an article
a heart
show examples
 attack. It can be seen that
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 want to make more money but they can not be productive and sometimes they will make
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
mistakes that affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the companies. In spite of
angeing
Correct your spelling
ageing
 make them can not do anything fastly and perfectly as the young generation. In conclusion, there are many disadvantages when the old
people
Use synonyms
 keep working. Letting them
work
Use synonyms
 generates huge positive impacts on themselves.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: