Increasing number of students are going to university instend of working after hight school. Discuss the advantagesand disadvantages for young people who do this.

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Introduction

In contemporary society, students prefer to study in

college

Use synonyms

rather than work after high

school

Use synonyms

graduation. Regarding

this

Linking Words

trend, it is widely debated whether it exerts positive or negative effects on individuals.

While

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

phenomenon provides more job opportunities,

friends

Use synonyms

, and memorable memories, it

also

Linking Words

costs a huge amount of education fees and is time-consuming as well.

Body paragraph 1

To begin

Linking Words

with, graduating with a bachelor's degree will help one to have better employment opportunities. By having a certification, workplaces will find reliable than those who do not have a degree.

For instance

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, many workplaces in Seoul require a bachelor's degree as a

requirementfor

Correct your spelling

requirement for

applicants.

Moreover

Linking Words

, universities help people to have good

friends

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and memories as they provide

school

Use synonyms

activities.

For example

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, parents in Korea purposely send their children to university to make more

friends

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and experience various activities before working.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

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, entering

college

Use synonyms

can be overwhelming as it costs a significant amount of tuition fees.

This

Linking Words

is very notable as

college

Use synonyms

students in the US end up with

school

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loans

due to

Linking Words

high expenses.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, studying in

college

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consumes a lot of time and effort to be employed.

For instance

Linking Words

, Filipinos who work right after highschool has atleast 2-4 years of job experience more than those who started after university graduation.

Conclusion

In conclusion, in modern days, people decide to attend university

instead

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of working after high

school

Use synonyms

, as it helps them to have better workplaces, more

friends

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and more experiences.

In contrast

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, it brings financial pressure for education fees and takes up more time and effort than high

school

Use synonyms

graduates.

eunseokwun417

Sep 3, 2026

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task response

You answer both parts of the task. You give clear good points, such as better jobs and high school loans. To improve, explain each point more fully. For example, say how a degree can help a person get a job with better pay or more choice.

task response

Some ideas need more care. Friends and good memories can be benefits of university, but they are less strong than work skills, knowledge, or better pay. Add a stronger point, such as learning skills for a chosen job.

task response

Keep the two sides balanced. The good side has two main points, and the bad side has two main points, which is good. Make each example clearly show the point before it.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, good points, bad points, and end. This makes it easy to follow.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words in a more natural way. You use 'Moreover', 'On the other hand', and 'In addition to this' well. However, do not begin too many sentences in the same way. You can also use 'As a result', 'For this reason', and 'This means that'.

coherence and cohesion

Make the link between some sentences clearer. For example, after saying that university gives a degree, explain that many jobs ask for this degree. Then give the Seoul example. This order will make the paragraph flow better.

coherence and cohesion

Check small word and spacing problems because they can make the writing less clear: 'instead', 'high school', 'requirement for', and 'at least'. Also write 'employers will find graduates more reliable', not 'workplaces will find reliable'.

task response

You discuss both the good and bad sides and give examples from Seoul, the US, and the Philippines.

task response

Your main ideas are on topic: better job chances, the cost of study, and the time needed for a degree.

coherence and cohesion

Each body paragraph has a clear main side of the discussion, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.

coherence and cohesion

The conclusion brings together the main good and bad points and stays close to the question.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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Increasing number of students are going to university instend of working after hight school. Discuss the advantagesand disadvantages for young people who do this.

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?

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