IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many People think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise while other believe that all companies should have the right to advertise what is your opinion?

#people #food #companies #right
Getting a place in the market for a businessman, whatever the products are, is a vital action. Most of the buyers have an opinion that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
food
 sellers should not be permitted to commercialize their items, meanwhile, the rest of them
persuade
Wrong verb form
are persuaded
show examples
 to give freedom to
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
show examples
food
 vendors community in advertising their menu either by digital media or print media. I do agree with the latter suggestion. In the
further
 essay, how to have permission for every company to market their things is considerable rather than impose restrictions, will be discussed.
Firstly
, the eye-catching pictures of
food
 attract buyers, whenever they watch them on television commercials, billboards
as well as
 magazines. Some people think that
this
 creates an urge in
food
 lovers to buy them and eat
along
Correct pronoun usage
them along
show examples
 with soft drinks, which is the reason for increasing obesity in public, especially in youth, but can be decreased by controlling their wishes.
If
Correct word choice
As
show examples
 exemplified,
according to
 a survey in America 50% of young people are fat
due to
 eating unhealthy.
Hence
, captivating animations of burgers are always a successful way of attracting gourmets. Another group of customers has an opposite viewpoint that advertising is the key to success in any kind of company.
Additionally
, there are thousands of methods to send their messages by clicking and tempting images of bakery objects, which can be used freely,
such
 as covert advertising and celebrity endorsement.
For example
, McDonald's spends 500 million dollars on worldwide sponsorship,
showed
Wrong verb form
as shown
show examples
 in an article. None of the laws has been made by the judiciary to stop any of the businesses from publicizing.
To conclude
, I believe that, the more will be
broadcasting
Wrong verb form
broadcasted
show examples
, the more would be the sale.
Although
, the obese population can be the reason for many other circumstances
Submitted by saba.tassadaq263 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents clear arguments. Ensure to provide a balanced viewpoint and support ideas with more relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement, and there is a need for better organization of ideas. Use transition words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.

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