IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #children #work #people
In many places in the world,
children
 are involved in various types of employment. Some would argue that
this
 is utterly wrong, while others hold the view that
this
 is a good thing because it prepares them for their future. While others claim that
this
 badly affects
children
's
education
, I would argue that working at a younger age will build their personality. It is argued that working before the age of eighteen is wrong due to it may have a bad impact on pupils'
education
. If they developed an interest in earning, they may lose their enthusiasm for studying.
Hence
, they may reduce their performance in
education
 and not achieve academic targets.
For example
, recent research done by a
children
's charity in Australia revealed that many school
children
 who did part-time jobs ended up with simple jobs other than professional careers. Despite the
education
 may interrupt to some extent, I believe that the lessons that
children
 can learn from working are invaluable.
However
, getting a part-time job will expose them to the real world and teaches them how to tackle problems while living in society.
Although
 these lessons are taught in schools, it is better to learn through real experiences, that can never get within the school environment.
For instance
, a pupil, who is doing a part-time job in a restaurant learns how to discipline well and how to interact with customers well. For
this
 reason, I believe that work's negative effect on pupils' conventional
education
 can be eclipsed by invaluable life experiences in the sense of personal development. In conclusion, despite a fear that
children
 will neglect their studies if they are involved in jobs, I argued that getting work experience provides them with a better lesson for buildup their personality.
Submitted by sandamalipc1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: