Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
There is no doubt that most
people
are spending more time
on their mobile phones
. They are addicted to browsing social media platforms and playing online games because it brings them joy and happiness. I believe that spending too much time
on smartphones is an unhealthy lifestyle, but it is a good way to relieve our stress.
There are many reasons why many people
enjoy playing on their phones
when they are free, but stress reduction seems to be the most important. They can escape from the real world and enter the virtual world, which makes them feel relaxed and at peace. Live streaming on social media like Instagram allows people
to chat directly with their idols or celebrities, and then
they're happy. Moreover
, smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
phones
have many features that make our life
easier and more convenient.
Since people
used to text or call each other, the relationship between people
seems to be more and more distant. Honestly, no form of electronic communication can replace face-to-face communication. Furthermore
, if people
spend a lot of time
using their mobile phones
, they will miss the opportunity to explore the world. As one life
is one shot, people
must cherish every second of their limited life
. Doing something more meaningful and worthwhile, such
as participating in a charity event or going abroad to gain life
experience, will broaden their horizons instead
of playing telephonics
.
In conclusion, I think that spending more Correct your spelling
telephonic
telephones
time
on the phone than doing something important in real life
is not good for our development. However
, there's no denying that the phone is a great tool to help you forget about the hassles of work and school.Submitted by buyabuya201 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, try to ensure that each paragraph has a distinct main idea and transition smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Your main points are generally well-supported, but providing more specific examples would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear, consider adding more depth and detail to your arguments to make them more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay and present your position clearly.
task achievement
You have identified key reasons why people spend time on smartphones and assessed the implications, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the question (reasons for smartphone usage and its impact) comprehensively.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite