IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience

#believe #people #work #age #retirement
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Elders
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hold the
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 resting after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement. In my opinion,
work
Use synonyms
 is so important to keep active
Correct your spelling
because
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 after getting older more
Correct your spelling
expanses
expances
Correct your spelling
expenses
 appear due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health problems.
This
Linking Words
 essay will demonstrate the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 and my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Humans
Change noun form
Human's
Humans'
show examples
 nature when they get old, their body
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
more needy
Replace the words
needier
show examples
 for
care
Use synonyms
 and cure.
In other words
Linking Words
, there are many health problems
appear
Correct pronoun usage
that appear
show examples
 and in our
clucture
Correct your spelling
culture
parents
Add a comma
,parents
show examples
 they have to
care
Use synonyms
 about their kids till they become adult and
this
Linking Words
 is exactly what makes retired workers keep at job
although
Linking Words
 they need to get more rest.
For example
Linking Words
 High school teacher
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was over 70 years old, but he wrote an application for the minister that he wish to keep at the job.
Hence
Linking Words
,
what
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can be said
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 parents they have a kind heart always no matter what age.
Moreover
Linking Words
, psychologically when
Correct article usage
an employee
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 take
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 for many years, it will be very hard to stop working
sudden
Replace the word
suddenly
show examples
. To illustrate to have a useful habit like
work
Use synonyms
, it will not be easy to lose it. A prime example is, my grandfather it took him more than 5 years to accept sitting at home and not
move
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
 anywhere.
Therefore
Linking Words
, not only do elders prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 they prefer to give relatives
care
Use synonyms
. in conclusion, After
this
Linking Words
 essay has shown the causes and the different opinions, I would like to say that
work
Use synonyms
 is
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 daily routine for many people but they have to
care
Use synonyms
 about their health.
Submitted by pavictoria06 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • financial security
  • physical and mental health
  • youth unemployment
  • job opportunities
  • fresh perspectives
  • hobbies and interests
  • passionate workers
  • flexible retirement options
  • social security
  • recuperate
  • decades of hard work
  • contribute skills and experience
  • financial difficulties
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