Money manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

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These days, many
people
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are constantly consuming manufactured food and drink
products
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. The downside to it is the amount of
sugar
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it contains in each product.
Therefore
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, there is a suggestion that an increased price of sugary
products
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could encourage
people
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to consume less
sugar
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. I personally agree with the statement. In
this
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essay, I will explain more regarding the topic. To start with, excessive
sugar
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intake could lead to diabetes. As a matter of fact, lots of young
people
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nowadays are suffering from the disease.
This
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has brought the attention of many health promoters to manufactured
products
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. I personally agree that one of the right methods to mitigate the problem is to increase the price of the
products
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.
Thus
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, individuals who are financially wise would take action to lower their expenses on these stuffs. As an example, rather than buying manufactured coffees, they could make one at home with lower costs and healthier choices.
Additionally
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, with the sales of the
products
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turning low, the company would have no choice but to lower the production of their
products
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. They could come up with different
products
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that would contain lower
sugar
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levels.
For instance
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, Coca-Cola had come up with zero-
sugar
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Coke. These could be a win-win solution for both the company and the consumers.
Thus
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, I believe that the advantages to it have a far greater impact. As we can see, even though there are some adjustments that should be made, in the end, it will benefit all parties. In conclusion, the suggestion of more expensive sugary
products
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could actually encourage
people
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to consume less
sugar
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.
Submitted by iigness05 on

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task response
You could enhance your essay by providing more specific examples that demonstrate the effects of increased prices on consumer behavior. This will make your argument stronger and more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Try to maintain a smooth transition between paragraphs by using linking words and phrases. This will improve the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively setting the stage for your argument and summing it up.
task response
You've used a relevant example (Coca-Cola's zero-sugar Coke) that supports your argument about companies adjusting to consumer needs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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