IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. How far do you share this viewpoint?

#everybody #amount #income #support #charity
supporting
charity
 is a Humanitarian action which is recommended to everyone in all societies.
Furthermore
, some
people
 believe that everybody must spend a part of their
income
 to help
charities
.
However
, it seems it is somehow mandatory for
people
 to give their
money
 on something they do not want to even if it is a good deed. The essay will give some reasons for
this
 claim. The leading disagreement with donating a portion of wages to
charities
 is because every person does not have an equal
income
such
 as the difference in the
income
 between a worker and a businessman so it is not feasible to ask all
people
 to give a fixed part of their salaries to help
charities
.
For instance
, some workers have unbearable challenges with their daily living expenses and it is not advisable for them to help others monthly.
Moreover
, some
people
 might want to save a portion of their salary for their retirement to have a safe life without any help. If they spend their
money
 on
charity
 by force, they will be helpless in the future.
On the other hand
, if everybody contributed a fixed amount of their expenses towards
charity
, it could improve the lives of
people
 living in poverty.
However
, philanthropy cannot be forced; it depends on their willingness and earnings. Even though helping the
charity
 is a great thing to do and most of us may support these organs by our own will, making it a rule might ruin many
people
’s lives. In conclusion, supporting
charities
 is a nice thing to do but forcing all the
people
 at different levels of society is not fair as some of them have problems matching their
income
 with their living needs or the other ones just do not spend their
money
 to help the
charity
due to
 saving
money
 for their future.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
You have a clear central position throughout the essay, which is good. However, you need to work on developing your main points with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. Try to include at least one specific example to illustrate each main point.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an understandable structure with an introduction and a conclusion. To improve, make sure your paragraphs clearly separate your ideas and more effectively utilize cohesive devices (e.g., linking words, pronouns, etc.). This will help in following your argument without effort.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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