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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the computer is an integral part of modern education. Everything can be taught and learnt better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computer #part #education #learnt
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Nowadays most people cannot live without
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 and the internet because it has become part of our life, especially in contemporary education. Some people say that
students
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 can learn and absorb better through the
computer
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. In the following paragraph, I will explain why I accept that some subjects can be taught better by
computers
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 but others cannot.
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Computer
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Computers
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conduces
Verb problem
encourage
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students
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 to improve their learning efficiency in some way. Some main subjects
such
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 as literature, mathematics, and science can be taught by
computers
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.
For example
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, the teacher records a video previously and uploads it to the cloud,
then
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students
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 can watch the video anytime and they can adjust the speed and replay it when they are in a lapse of concentration or they want to learn again.
In addition
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, when teenagers have an interest in a certain domain, they can search on the engine for what they are eager to know.
As a consequence
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, learning knowledge on the
internet
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Internet
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 can benefit
students
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 and enhance their academic performance. Convenience as the
computer
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 is, they cannot teach everything to
students
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.
That is
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due to
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 the fact that
computers
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 cannot teach how to communicate and treat others
as well as
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 virtue. It is important for every teenager to learn interpersonal skills in school.
However
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, the only way to learn these skills is by exploring by themselves or consulting an educator.
Consequently
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,
computers
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 only can teach limiting things to young people. In conclusion,
computers
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 can teach
students
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 many pieces of knowledge but
students
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 need to learn some social skills by themselves, which cannot be taught by
computers
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.
As a result
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,
students
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 need both
computers
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 and teachers to teach them how to become competitive members of society.
Submitted by wanyt88 on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the essay prompt and contributes to the overall argument. Focus on presenting a balanced view, discussing both the advantages and limitations of using computers in education.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more impactful. Also, make sure to use linking words and cohesive devices to better connect ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
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