IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Prevention is better than cure. Researching and treating diseases is too clostly so it would be better to invest in preventive measures. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #cure #diseases #measures
In the past few years,
people
 developed medicine very well. Now is much easier to get
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 treatment. Since
prevention
 is much better and cheaper than
treating
Replace the word
treatment
show examples
, a lot of
people
 agree that spending money on
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 and
cure
Fix the agreement mistake
cures
show examples
 is unnecessary and it would be better to invest money in preventative measures. I strongly agree with
this
 view, because
people
 can avoid dangerous
diseases
.
First
 and foremost,
prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
show examples
 of disease
is partly depends
Change the verb form
partly depends
show examples
 on
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle and self-care.
People
 eat healthy food and regular go to
GYM
Correct article usage
the GYM
show examples
 or do some exercises,
these lifestyle
Change the determiner
this lifestyle
these lifestyles
show examples
 give
another residents
Replace the adjective
another resident
other residents
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 example and motivate them to become better.
Eventually
Add a comma
,Eventually
show examples
this
 will prevent some
diseases
 like
obese
Replace the word
obesity
show examples
 or others.
Moreover
, parents give healthy food to their children and encourage them to do exercise or play
Add an article
a sport
the sport
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 like football or basketball, which
also
 will have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 effect on there’s health.
Prevention
 of disease
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
another benefits
Replace the adjective
another benefit
other benefits
show examples
 as well. It is obvious that
prevention
 is way better and cheaper than treating
diseases
 ,so it will be easier for doctors and
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
, as they will not spend a lot of money to create new medicaments and
then
 buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
expensive
Correct article usage
an expensive
show examples
 price.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 it is much earthier to eat
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
 amount of calories and do exercises, rather than struggle with
obese
Replace the word
obesity
show examples
 or diabetes. To sum up,
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 society should prevent
diseases
 rather than cure them, as it will be better, cheaper and easier. As a firm believer
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 approach, I suggest that
people
 should invest in preventative measures.
Submitted by Mezun 2023 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proactive
  • preventive measures
  • lifestyle diseases
  • public health
  • healthcare expenditure
  • cost-effective
  • chronic conditions
  • early detection
  • immunization
  • health promotion
  • risk factors
  • non-communicable diseases
  • disease surveillance
  • preventive diagnostics
  • health literacy
  • universal healthcare
  • primary prevention
  • secondary prevention
  • tertiary prevention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: