IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Prevention is better than cure. Researching and treating diseases is too clostly so it would be better to invest in preventive measures. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #cure #diseases #measures
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In the past few years,
people
Use synonyms
 developed medicine very well. Now is much easier to get
high quality
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high-quality
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 treatment. Since
prevention
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 is much better and cheaper than
treating
Replace the word
treatment
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, a lot of
people
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 agree that spending money on
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 and
cure
Fix the agreement mistake
cures
show examples
 is unnecessary and it would be better to invest money in preventative measures. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, because
people
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 can avoid dangerous
diseases
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.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost,
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prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
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 of disease
is partly depends
Change the verb form
partly depends
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 on
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 lifestyle and self-care.
People
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 eat healthy food and regular go to
GYM
Correct article usage
the GYM
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 or do some exercises,
these lifestyle
Change the determiner
this lifestyle
these lifestyles
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 give
another residents
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another resident
other residents
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good
Correct article usage
a good
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 example and motivate them to become better.
Eventually
Add a comma
,Eventually
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this
Linking Words
 will prevent some
diseases
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 like
obese
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obesity
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 or others.
Moreover
Linking Words
, parents give healthy food to their children and encourage them to do exercise or play
Add an article
a sport
the sport
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sport
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sports
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 like football or basketball, which
also
Linking Words
 will have
good
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a good
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 effect on there’s health.
Prevention
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 of disease
have
Change the verb form
has
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another benefits
Replace the adjective
another benefit
other benefits
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 as well. It is obvious that
prevention
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 is way better and cheaper than treating
diseases
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 ,so it will be easier for doctors and
resident
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residents
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itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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, as they will not spend a lot of money to create new medicaments and
then
Linking Words
 buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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by
Change preposition
at
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expensive
Correct article usage
an expensive
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 price.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
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 it is much earthier to eat
specific
Add an article
a specific
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 amount of calories and do exercises, rather than struggle with
obese
Replace the word
obesity
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 or diabetes. To sum up,
whole
Add an article
the whole
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 society should prevent
diseases
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 rather than cure them, as it will be better, cheaper and easier. As a firm believer
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 approach, I suggest that
people
Use synonyms
 should invest in preventative measures.
Submitted by Mezun 2023 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • proactive
  • preventive measures
  • lifestyle diseases
  • public health
  • healthcare expenditure
  • cost-effective
  • chronic conditions
  • early detection
  • immunization
  • health promotion
  • risk factors
  • non-communicable diseases
  • disease surveillance
  • preventive diagnostics
  • health literacy
  • universal healthcare
  • primary prevention
  • secondary prevention
  • tertiary prevention
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