IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, the government pays unemployed people on a weekly basis. How does this impact individuals and the government? Do you agree or disagree with this idea?

#countries #government #people #basis #impact #individuals #idea
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The Government pays unemployed citizens weekly salaries in some nations.The effects of
this
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 on the individuals are improvement in their standard of living and there will be a financial burden on the authorities.I disagree with
this
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 view because they should rather create employment for them.The essay will explain the effects
as well as
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 my stance in the subsequent paragraphs with examples.
To begin
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 with,there are several impacts of
this
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 trend on the citizens and legislature.
Firstly
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,the weekly earnings will help improve the standard of living of the citizens because that money will be used to cater for themselves .
Moreover
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,it prevents them from social vices.The lack of employment makes individuals steal in order to eat.
For instance
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 ,most societies tend to involve themselves in army robbery because of a lack of occupations.
Furthermore
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,it brings a burden on the authorities because every week unemployed people will be paid
whereas
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 there are other infrastructures to take care of .To illustrate,in Ghana ,about 70 per cent of the youth are not working.
thus
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 looking at the figure there will be pressure on the legislature.
Although
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 unemployed people will benefit,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 will suffer.
Secondly
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,I oppose
this
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 view because they can create employment to employ those who are not working.
Besides
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,they can provide vocational training like carpentry ,mason work and painting to the inhabitants so that they can earn a living
at the end
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 of the month.
For example
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 in India ,most people are employed because of vocational education provided by the legislature.
This
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 has led to low unemployment . In conclusion,the essay argued that authorities should create jobs
instead
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 of giving individuals who are unemployed weekly income.The impact of
such
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 development is to improve the living standard of inhabitants and increase pressure on them.
However
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,I believe that the creation of jobs is the solution to tackle the menace.
Submitted by yahayasonde2 on

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task response
The essay adequately responds to the task by discussing the effects of government payments to unemployed individuals and presenting the writer's stance on the issue. However, the introduction and conclusion need improvement to better present the main points and the writer's opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay exhibits a generally logical structure with clear use of paragraphs to present different ideas. However, there is room for improvement in organizing the introduction and conclusion to better introduce the main points and summarize the writer's opinion.
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