Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Millions of
refugees
have been forced to flee their country
because of war, violence or persecution. It is argued that asylum
seekers should be allowed and supported with basic aid like food and accommodation. I firmly agree with this
idea because it prevents them from relentless suffering and welcoming them into developed countries
boosts the country
's economy.
To begin
with, Supporting asylum
seekers in rich countries
saves their precious life
and secures them from unwanted persecution. They should be allowed to their host Fix the agreement mistake
lives
countries
because they enrich their local community, creating cultural diversity within the local population. In addition
, Refugees
have never chosen to be born in conflict-affected countries
and like us, they too deserve a better life, a happy one. For example
, thousands of Syrian asylum
seekers fled from the war and this
is the reason why Germany and many European countries
have decided to grant thousands of asylum
.
Moreover
, it is good for the country
's economy. Refugees
indeed need assistance in the beginning, but they will purchase food, take services and pay any taxes over time in the future. The country
will automatically gain more manpower and can utilize them
for better productivity. Correct pronoun usage
it
For example
, in 1990s
, Change the article
the 1990s
according to
the UN refugee agency, many Bhutanese refugees
were forced and fled from their country
due to
protests against the Bhutanese government and now have flourishing businesses in the Jhapa district, Nepal.
To conclude
, refugees
should be welcomed with open arms and I personally believe that allowing them to wealthy nation saves innocent people's lives and enhances the economic status of the country
.Submitted by asmitakhatri490 on
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction has provided a clear thesis and sets up the structure of the essay effectively. However, it's essential to include a roadmap of what to expect in the subsequent paragraphs for a better guide to the reader.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon with supporting details and examples. Though your essay has done this relatively well, there could be a more explicit link back to the main question in each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Improve the range and accuracy of your linking devices. While the essay is well-structured, variety in conjunctions and cohesive devices can enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
To improve the Task Achievement score, make sure that every argument effectively addresses the prompt and that your position is clear throughout the essay. Each paragraph should conclusively contribute to the overarching argument.
task achievement
Don't make general statements without backing them up with specific evidence. Providing more detailed examples will strengthen your argument and improve the relevance of your points to the thesis.
coherence cohesion
For your conclusion, restate your thesis in different words, summarize your main points and make sure it is not introducing new ideas. Your conclusion did well in emphasizing your stance but also aim for a crisp wrap-up of the points discussed.