some countries allow old people to work at any age they want . Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#countries #people #work #age

It is an undeniable fact that

mostly

Replace the word

most

show examples

developed countries allow old

people

work

at any age they want in their choice of field. In some

nations

Add a comma

,nations

show examples

seniors may retire whenever they prefer.

However

, there are both advantages and disadvantages to

this

policy, I think merits are more than demerits. The

first

and foremost reason to support my ideology is that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

working longer period of time in life is more beneficial than

sit

Change the form of the verb

sitting

show examples

corner

Add an article

the corner

a corner

show examples

. On the other side, it

keep

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keeps

show examples

mind

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the mind

show examples

healthy as nowadays , youngsters do not spend their valuable time with their parents and they feel lonely sometimes. Another reason to support my justification is that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

multinational companies only give responsibilities to their older employers because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good experience and they can take

Add an article

the decision

a decision

show examples

decision

Fix the agreement mistake

decisions

show examples

very smoothly .

For example

, the

Realiance

Correct your spelling

Reliance

higher

anually

Correct your spelling

annually

one thousand old

people

as they know they can leads industry without loss .

In addition

to that , some

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

require

healthy

Correct article usage

a healthy

show examples

and fit body

such

as sports and transportation , so it would be more beneficial when they

work

without retirement.

Nonetheless

, some

people

believe that there are many disadvantages when elder

people

work

longer

period

Fix the agreement mistake

periods

show examples

of time .

Moreover

, some scientist

think

Change the verb form

thinks

show examples

that the ability

toward

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the works

decrease

Change the verb form

decreases

show examples

as become older . Some jobs require focus and mental health

such

as teacher, doctor and pilot. For smooth functioning of

work

Add a comma

,work

show examples

individuals should not allow

work

with older

people

. In conclusion , the government should pass a holistic approach to retirement age and advantages are there but disadvantages can potentially affect a whole community .

Submitted by Harsh prajapati on Sun Aug 28 2022

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

268 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some countries allow old people to work at any age they want . Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The relatively recent development of games on phones, computers, and TV consoles is extremely popular with people all over the world. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such electronic games?

Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extend do you think it effects the while family?

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned be¬cause of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries schoolchilren wear a uniform.In others, they can wear whatever they want at school. what are advetages and disadvantages of having school uniforms?

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation?