IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Nowadays children spend more time on their phones . Some people think that is a good idea while others disagree. What is your opinion

#children #time #phones #people #idea
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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, whilst proponents hold the view that juniors should be granted access to their cell phones, opponents have diverse perspectives.
However
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, I am convinced that electronic devices have a deleterious impact on their mental health. My contention will be
further
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 explained.
To begin
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 with, some advocates discern that it is unethical to give any electronics to the little ones .
In other words
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, many custodians grant them
such
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 devices to keep them busy and quiet .
As a result
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 , that will hinder pupils from spending amble time learning .
This
Linking Words
 might be exemplified by many nurseries in Egypt at which phones , televisions and other devices are allowed to children in order to amuse them .
Hence
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, what can be said is that it is immoral to keep children vulnerable to these emerging technological gadgets because that will cause detrimental effects on their intellectual development and cognitive skills .
Furthermore
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, many youngsters have been wasting hours playing video games that impact them negatively.
This
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 means that
such
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 games ,that display sharp weapons , might provoke them to commit atrocities and crimes . An eminent example is the Blue Whale game that was launched a few years ago ,and many teenagers hurt themselves
as a result
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 of playing these dangerous games .
Consequently
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 , what can be said is that if parents empower their offspring by providing books and novels to read
instead
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 of buying mobiles , their children will ensure fruitful futures. In conclusion, after
this
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 essay has manifested the points mentioned above, it can be clearly reiterated that young people should only have limited screen time to spend on their electronics because that will influence them negatively .
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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