IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

schools should use more technology to help children learn. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

#schools #technology #children
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In recent years, there has been a noticeable increase in the number of individuals discussing the role of
technology
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 in
education
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 and its impact on various aspects of life. Some argue that integrating more digital
tools
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 in schools is essential, citing
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
such
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 as improved engagement ,
while
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 others assert that an overreliance on these
tools
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 may have detrimental effects on
students
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' interpersonal. In
this
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 essay, it will be argued that a balance between traditional teaching methods and technological integration is crucial for optimal societal development.
To begin
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 with, there is an argument to be made that incorporating
technology
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 into
education
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 is beneficial for significant reasons. One prominent reason is that
technology
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 can make learning more engaging and interactive.
For example
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, educational apps and digital
tools
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 can adapt to a student's individual learning pace and style, providing a customized learning experience.
For
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this
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 reason, it is evident that
technology
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 can cater to diverse learning needs, helping
students
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 to grasp complex concepts more effectively.
This
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 personalization is important because it allows
students
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 to learn at their own pace, enhancing their understanding and retention of information.
On the other hand
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, there is a widespread belief that excessive reliance on
technology
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 in
education
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 can be counterproductive. One major concern is the potential decline in
students
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' social and communication skills.
This
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 perspective is supported by examples of
students
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 spending excessive amounts of time on screens, which can limit face-to-face interactions and hinder the development of essential interpersonal skills.
Hence
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, it is apparent that an overemphasis on
technology
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 can negatively impact
students
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' ability to communicate effectively and collaborate with others. In conclusion,
while
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 the importance of integrating
technology
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 into
education
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 is evident
due to
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 its potential to enhance engagement and personalize learning experiences, the significance of maintaining traditional teaching methods cannot be overstated. A balanced approach that encompasses both technological
tools
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 and conventional educational practices is essential for the sustainable development of societies.
Submitted by tahsin.adam3 on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task and clearly presents a balanced perspective on the use of technology in education. However, consider further elaborating on the balance between technology and traditional methods by providing more specific examples or hypothetical scenarios. This can enhance the depth of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured and flows well, there are minor grammatical errors and punctuation issues (e.g., "assert that an overreliance on these tools may have detrimental effects on students' interpersonal."). This can be improved by proofreading and ensuring sentence completion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets up the essay, stating the topic and outlining the balanced perspective you will discuss. This helps readers understand the purpose and direction of your discussion from the start.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively developed main points in separate paragraphs with supporting examples, enhancing the clarity and coherence of your essay. This structured approach makes it easy for the reader to follow your thoughts.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples such as the use of educational apps that cater to individual learning paces, which strengthens your argument by illustrating the advantages of technology in education.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • engagement and interaction
  • personalized learning
  • adaptive learning platforms
  • supplement traditional teaching materials
  • broadening their knowledge base
  • preparing for the future workplace
  • digital skills
  • early exposure
  • bridging educational gaps
  • socio-economic disparities
  • equal learning opportunities
  • automated grading
  • virtual classrooms
  • resource-sharing platforms
  • student engagement
  • personalized instruction
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