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Band 3

Some people think that it is beneficial for students to go to private secondary schools, but others think that it has negative effects. Discuss both points of view and give your own oipnion

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Introduction
Students
Use synonyms
 who have the opportunity to go to a private secondary
school
Use synonyms
 have some advantages and it has some negative effects as well. We will discuss
further
Linking Words
 on these points in the essay
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, to be able to go to a private
school
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 is costly and most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rich
students
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 who can afford
such
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 a luxury. Some private schools have some additional activities and a different curriculum of studies
that
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 not offered in elementary secondary
school
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such
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 as theatre, sports,
different
Correct word choice
and different
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of studies.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, private schools have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
continuous
Add a hyphen
parent-teacher
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parent teacher
Add a hyphen
parent-teacher
show examples
 communication and both of them work collaboratively for the
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 of the
students
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.
On the contrary
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, in elementary schools
students
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 are more on their own and there is no adequate
follow up
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follow-up
show examples
 of a student's performance.
Body paragraph 3
One disadvantage of private
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 is that
students
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 mingle only with rich
students
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 and they have the tendency to know only about luxury. Whereas in an elementary
school
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,
students
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 have the opportunity to be
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 with
different
Add an article
the different
a different
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 milieu of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Body paragraph 4
Some parents believe that when sending their kids to a private
school
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, they are safer in the sense that they do not get
contact
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into contact
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to
Change preposition
with
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 drugs easily as most drug dealers are in a poor society.
Conclusion
There are advantages and negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
 for a student to
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to a private
school
Use synonyms
. I believe in my opinion it is a choice that parents choose and we cannot influence them in their decision

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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