IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#people #advertisements #products #lives #support
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Advertisements
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 are a well-known marketing strategy nowadays;
however
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,
people
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 possess different points of view on
this
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. Some contend that it manipulates us to purchase unnecessary items. At the same time, debaters argue that commercials are essential to educate us about the latest products, which increases comfort in our daily lives. I completely agree with the former view.
Firstly
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, the reason for my agreement is an increase in cases of low self-esteem. To explain, a large number of organizations promote their product by making others feel low about themselves, and eventually, their lower self-esteem grids them to buy the specific product to make them look perfect.
For instance
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, some beauty creams present their
advertisements
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 with models who were dark in the past, but after applying their cream, they became two shades brighter. A number of
people
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 fall into
this
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 trap, and they start buying creams.
This
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 is not the only case of brightness.
Similarly
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,
People
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 with obesity, baldness and short height fall under
this
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 trap. The second reason for my agreement is the adverse effects of
advertisements
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 on children. Some toys and chocolate
advertisements
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 promote greediness and stubborn behaviour in children. To exemplify, one of my colleagues was complaining to me about her child; whenever her daughter sees an attractive toy advertisement, she starts demanding it, even though she already has plenty of them. And when I refuse to purchase, she starts throwing things after getting angry.
To conclude
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,
although
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 commercials are imperative for our education about new items, I completely agree with the first view that they manipulate
people
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 by affecting consumers' self-esteem,
as well as
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 increasing bad behaviour in children.
Submitted by rushsoni1998 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear, logical structure. Use paragraphs effectively to separate ideas and help the reader follow your point of view more easily.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and a conclusion in your essay. Your introduction should introduce the topic and your viewpoint. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your viewpoint clearly.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples. This will make your arguments more convincing and your essay more engaging to the reader.
task achievement
Make sure that your essay fully addresses the task given. Stick closely to the topic, and ensure that your essay reflects a complete understanding and engagement with the task.
task achievement
Try to express your ideas as clearly and comprehensively as possible. Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to articulate your viewpoints and examples effectively.
task achievement
Incorporate specific and relevant examples to strengthen your argument. This adds credibility and depth to your essay, making your position more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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