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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In order to Spend a quality life, some say, people need to have more money and some say people need free time. What do you think is important. What are the other things which are required to have a quality life?

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İ
t
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 is considered by some
people
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 that
people
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 need to have more
money
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 and some say
people
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 need free
time
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. İn my opinion ,
money
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 and free
time
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is
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are
show examples
 important for a
quality
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life
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 .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , family and
friends
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 need a
quality
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life
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 for
people
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 .
Firstly
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 , many
people
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 struggle with wars and poverty
Correct your spelling
because
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 they don'
t
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 have
money
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 or free
time
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 .
Therefore
Linking Words
 , many
people
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 who don'
t
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 have
a
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apply
show examples
money
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 or
a
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apply
show examples
free
time
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 can'
t
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 spend a
quality
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life
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 over
the
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apply
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their
life
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 , and
thus
Linking Words
 many troubles reveal
such
Linking Words
 as poverty and slavery.
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,
money
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 and
freetime
Correct your spelling
free time
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 so important for
people
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. A human that
have
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has
show examples
more
money
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 than other
people
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 can spend
Add an article
a
show examples
better
life
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 .
For instance
Linking Words
 , a child can go to the best schools thanks to
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
his parents
her parents
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 and
moreover
Linking Words
 , a
quality
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life
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 can be provided to
his
Correct pronoun usage
him
show examples
thanks to
money
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 . Because
,
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apply
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his parents have
a
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apply
show examples
money
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 or free
time
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 .
Secondly
Linking Words
 , another point to consider is that
although
Linking Words
 many
people
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 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
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 or
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free
fre
Correct your spelling
free
time
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 , they can'
t
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 spend a
quality
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life
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 due to depression . Because , unfortunately , many
people
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 who are alone don'
t
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 have a family or a friend ,and
therefore
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 these
people
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 can become a
deppression
Correct your spelling
depression
 . İn my opinion ,
therefore
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 , family and
friends
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 are so important .
For instance
Linking Words
 , many
people
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 who don'
t
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 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family or
friends
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 will be alone , and
thus
Linking Words
 they are becoming
deppression
Correct your spelling
depression
 .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , they can'
t
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 spend a
quality
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life
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 due to these reasons. İn conclusion ,
money
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 and free
time
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 so important for a
quality
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life
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 but
on the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
Linking Words
although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
many
people
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 who have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money
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 and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
time
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 can be unhappy due to
be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 alone . İn my opinion , family and
friends
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 so important like
money
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 and free
time
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for
Change preposition
to
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spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 a
quality
Use synonyms
life
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.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial resources
  • Life satisfaction
  • Mental health
  • Free time
  • Work-life balance
  • Excessive
  • Imbalances
  • Quality of life
  • Healthcare
  • Recreational activities
  • Social connections
  • Community bonds
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Sense of purpose
  • Financial stability
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