Some people believe teenagers should concentrate on all subjects, even ones they do not enjoy. Others, however, believe that teenagers should only focus on the subjects they are bast at or find most interesting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In mostly all schools, some
subjects
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are compulsory for
teenagers
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until they reach a specific grade. Some
persons
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people

The word persons doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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believe that even though
teenagers
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dislike some
subjects
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, they should concentrate anyway on them. On the
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other hand

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otherhand
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other hand

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, some
people
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believe that
teenagers
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should focus only on the
subjects
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that they find the most interesting. I believe that both opinions have their importance which I will elaborate in the following paragraphs. I personally think that all
subjects
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set by the secondary schools should be taught to all
teenagers
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irrespective they like or dislike the
subjects
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,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker because. Consider removing the comma.

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because they should get the basic lessons of Science, Art, English, Maths,etc, which are important and allows them to get the basic academical knowledge.
Then
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, when the
teenagers
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reach a specific age and grade, they should get the choice to select the special field they want to study either technical side or science
sides
Fix the agreement mistake
side

It seems that sides may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. Some parents have the tendency to choose the fields of
subjects
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of
teenagers
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and in
consequence
Add a comma
,consequence

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in consequence. Consider adding a comma.

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it leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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complete disinterest and disgust from these young students. Facts have proved
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

that when young
people
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are not given the opportunity to choose
their
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the

It appears that the pronoun their may not fit this context. Consider replacing it with an article.

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subjects
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

they like, they quit
school
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earlier and sometimes become delinquents. Admittedly, one drawback for young
people
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to choose their
subjects
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is that they think they have the right to do what they want at
school
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. Whereas, if
rules
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and regulations are set
to
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for

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them, they know that they have to follow the
rules
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of their
school
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and inquisitively, they will inculcate discipline and obedience. I remember in my
school
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, I had to comply
to
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
school
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

rules
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as a teenager and I was obliged to complete all the
subjects
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which were on my syllabus. It is true that I did not like all the
subjects
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

but having a variety of
subjects
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I knew which one I wanted to study later on but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb had appears to be unnecessary here.

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developed a great sense of discipline in me.
As
Change preposition
In

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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conclusion
Add an article
a conclusion

The noun phrase conclusion seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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, I strongly believe that some
subjects
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should be compulsory
to
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for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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all
teenagers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

sets
disciplines
Fix the agreement mistake
discipline

It seems that disciplines may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and
rules
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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these young
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and they should abide
to
Change the preposition
by

The preposition to after the verb abide may be incorrect. Consider changing it to another preposition.

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it
Correct pronoun usage
them

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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. At a later stage, they should have the right to choose the subject of their choice.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • versatile
  • adaptive
  • critical thinking
  • knowledge base
  • exposure
  • informed decisions
  • specializing
  • expertise
  • motivation
  • engagement
  • performance
  • specialization
  • depth of knowledge
  • academic pursuits
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