IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. Why are these laws introduced? Do you think they are a positive or negative development? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #countries #laws #limit #hours #employees #development
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Some nations invented laws that shortened working
hours
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 for their workers. It is because way more working
hours
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 lead to tiredness and illness, so it will be great for employees and can acquire many positive sides. In terms of government, these laws can give people more
time
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 for their own lives and families. Some people might
work
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 10
hours
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 per
day
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 and when they return home they will have no
time
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 to go outside with their children.
For example
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, my father worked about 60
hours
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 per weekend, and I thought that it was very bad, because every
time
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 when he came home, he felt very tired and another
day
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 it continued, but his boss decreased his
time
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 to about 48
hours
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(it is approximately 8 hour per
day
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). So now we have a lot of
time
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 to spend with our fathers and my father become definitely happier than before. There absolutely will be positive impacts
after
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this
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 improvement in law, because so many people can now enjoy their free
time
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 in a quiet place, relax after
work
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 and it will bring workers positive minds about their
work
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 and each
day
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 they will be more energetic and bring more result for the company.
For instance
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, after my father's
hours
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 were diminished, his productivity at
work
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 became high very quickly and after a year he became the manager of sales. In conclusion, in some countries, there was a decline in workers'
hours
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 and it is
due to
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 tiredness after their
day
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.
After
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this
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 law, folk can get more
time
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 for themselves and will have
time
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 to reduce all negative minds after
work
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day
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.
Submitted by Kawasaki on

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task achievement
Consider refining your introduction to more clearly outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This helps the reader know what to expect.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea. While your examples are relevant, organizing them more distinctly can enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Add more transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well and discusses both the reasons for introducing laws to limit working hours and the positive impacts of these laws.
task achievement
The examples provided, especially the personal anecdote about your father, are specific and relevant, adding depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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