Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There are controversial opinions that
children
who commit
crimes
are worth being punished,
whereas
some advocates suppose that the people who should be punished are
parents
. In my respective, I partly agree with the first opinion because without
punishment
every time
kids
make things wrong, it will result in consequences for their growth. The
parents
take the
punishment
instead
of their
kids
due to
the innocence and curiosity in
kids
' minds. Obviously,
children
are too young to understand what deeds they should do or not, in part they are curious about new things and want to discover to satisfy their questions, resulting in faults with no expectations.
Therefore
,
punishment
is too strict for
children
.
Moreover
, the behaviour of
kids
is affected by their
parents
. Precisely, if
parents
took care of their offspring carefully and
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
good examples for their sons or daughters,
kids
would form good character to not commit
crimes
.
However
, I partially agree that
children
would rather be punished when they commit
crimes
because they will be aware of deeds they can do or not. If
parents
ignored
Wrong verb form
ignore
show examples
their
kids
' deeds, or over-indulge in everything they do, even
admonish
Wrong verb form
admonishing
show examples
themselves
instead
of the
kids
, there would gradually create a thought that they do correctly, at least they do not get punished when they do wrong,
then
it becomes a bad habit being difficult to fix in the future.
Additionally
,
children
have little awareness of the correction in things they do, so there has to be a
punishment
to not let them become actual
crimes
one day.
However
, there should not be mental
punishment
for the
kids
,
besides
the illegal deed, it can cause obsession in
children
and make them live isolatedly with their
parents
. Light
punishment
such
as not allowing them to have a meal if they have a behaviour of not respecting rice. In conclusion,
although
there is some agreement in letting
parents
be punished
instead
of their
children
, I approve of the opinion that
punishment
is necessary for
children
to not commit
crimes
again.
Submitted by phuongbaouyenngo1 on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic and provides clear and relevant arguments for both views. Also, provide a clear opinion with balanced arguments for both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, make sure to organize ideas in a logical and coherent manner to maintain the flow of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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