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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Reports show that it is increasingly expensive to keep museums open to the public. Explain why museums should be kept. What is the best way to fund them? (government, business, individual, etc.)

Over the past decades, the existence of
museums
Use synonyms
 has never ceased to draw public attention. It has been reported that the spending on them has been increasingly higher. In the following essay, the reason for the phenomenon will be discussed and the optimal approach for it advanced.
To begin
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 with, it is important to recognise the irreplaceable role of
museums
Use synonyms
 in preserving indigenous culture. Specifically, they are the only organisations to acquire, research and protect precious historical items, thereby conserving them so that posterity can contemplate them and learn about their enormous values. A prime example of
this
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 justification is the famous Louvre, which is exclusively responsible for searching, collecting, studying and preserving hundreds of important historical artefacts and artworks of France.
Thus
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, the refusal to finance
such
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 institutes can be deemed a responsibility evasion of cultural protection. The involvement of the private sector in the maintenance of
museums
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 is
therefore
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 instrumental. In fact, several countries, especially those with limited financial capacities, may find it impractical to sponsor
such
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 a process because of other urgent and down-to-the-earth societal factors, namely healthcare and education, which are directly related to the wellness and comprehensive development of the populace and
also
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 need funding.
For instance
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,
due to
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 tight budgets in Vietnam, the monetary
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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 can solely be distributed to hospitals and schools.
Hence
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, it may not be an exaggeration to assert that without the intervention of the private sector,
museums
Use synonyms
'
overall
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 quality cannot be guaranteed and the deterioration in their conditions may result in a reduction in the number of visits and eventually the interest of people in history. In conclusion, the significance of
museums
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 is undeniable and the collaboration of both lawmakers and the private sector is required to
assure
Verb problem
ensure
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 the appropriate implementation of their maintenance.

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task achievement
Provide a more detailed explanation of why museums are important, perhaps by including how they benefit education and society as a whole.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, perhaps by using more cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally' to connect ideas.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples beyond the Louvre, potentially including a mention of local museums or a broader range of cultural impacts.
task achievement
You have successfully identified the importance of preserving culture through museums, which strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion, which enhances readability.
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