IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphone Why is this the case? Do you think this is positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphone #case #development
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In
this
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 contemporary area, a wide range of
children
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 are exposed to technology,
such
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 as
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 that
this
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 is the main gadget that has filled the spare
time
Use synonyms
 of
children
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 for hours. The Young generation plays a crucial role in
prospect
Correct article usage
the prospect
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 of society,
this
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 begs the question; are the negative aspects of
this
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 development, outweigh the positives? I subscribe to the notion that would effects
on
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apply
show examples
children
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 imperfectly.
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First
Correct article usage
The first
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 and foremost contributing factors that take the
children
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 on
important
Add an article
an important
the important
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 part of the list is because of that they are vulnerable and immature. To
explanation
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explain
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, juveniles have a deep passion
to
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for
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 seeking on the internet and finding new attractive matters.
As a
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result
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,result
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 they may find the
contents
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content
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 that
they
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apply
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would increase violence and vandalism in the
children
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.
In
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addition
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,addition
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researches
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research
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 have shown that not only using
cellphone
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a cellphone
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 as a faster and portable gadget would not be lucrative but
also
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 would intensify their exposure to
harm
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harmful
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contents
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content
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.
Secondly
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, due to
phone
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 addiction among
children
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, the rate of
Use synonyms
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
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of
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apply
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using
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the smart
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smart
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smartphone
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phone
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were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased.
This
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 phenomenon leads to
disrupt
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disruption
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 in their learning course of action. Regarding positive aspects,
this
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 is an absolute privilege having the young generation that has been accustomed
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 technology as fast as they could by their smarts
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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. To illustrate, governments do not need to make plans to
lean
Correct your spelling
learn
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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new technology. In another
scenario
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,scenario
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children
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 waste their
time
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 by overusing
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the phone
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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.
Hence
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 they need
take
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to take
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 more
time
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 on their curriculums. Contrary, smartphone limits their opportunities to go out and
being
Wrong verb form
be
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 with
real
Add an article
a real
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friend’s
Unnecessary verb
friend
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 not
online
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the online
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 version. Ultimately they would feel
depression
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depressed
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. To conclude, nowadays
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
numerous
children
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 are taking
time
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 on their cellphone dramatically. Wasting
time
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 and exposing bad
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 are the negative aspects of
this
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 issue. There is no doubt that those reasons convert
children
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 into an important case.
Submitted by marzieh.kava on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Engrossed
  • Distracted
  • Addictive
  • Digital natives
  • Virtual reality
  • Interactive
  • Online gaming
  • Social media platforms
  • Connectivity
  • Social engagement
  • Information access
  • Learning tools
  • Peer influence
  • Societal pressure
  • Alternative activities
  • Recreational facilities
What to do next:
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