IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
Some people think
parents
 should teach
children
 how to be good members of society others think
school
 is the place to learn, in
this
 essay I will give my own opinion. In my view from birth to the age of 7 , that age
children
 go to
school
parents
 should teach them how they behave or what should they do, because
parents
 are the first people that
children
 meet and grow up with them, family and home is the first place that
children
 are a member of, so they learn in the family how they communicate, how
ask
Add the particle
to ask
show examples
 for something that they want and how they face a problem. After the age of 7 when
children
 go to
school
, they become members of the
school
, and they meet . other people started to make new friends and at
this
 time
school
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 a place where they should learn
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how they should even face their problems in
school
 they
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to work as a team with other
children
, in
this
 situation, begin to learn teamwork.
Although
 both
parents
 and
school
 at the same time teach
children
 how they should do in their life but in a different position. In conclusion, I would say it’s not just
parents
 or just
school
,
children
 must learn from both of them,
parents
 teach the first necessary thing and
school
 teach a second thing and to start
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
 team working, so both of them are important for
children
 to become a good member of society.
Submitted by bayatz80 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: