IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people believe that playing games and watching TV programs is beneficial but for others it does not improve mental ability of children. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #games #tv #programs #ability #children
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Many people would argue that playing
video
games
 and watching
TV
programs
 are helpful,
however
, others would argue that they do not improve
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
 skills of
children
. I totally agree with the first argument and believe that these
games
 and
programs
 offer visual
stimulants
 and
environment
Correct article usage
an environment
show examples
 for socializing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
 which might improve their mental abilities.
Video
games
 and
TV
programs
 are visual
stimulants
 for
children
, stimulating their neuronal axis. Their neuronal synapses can improve with the help of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visual
stimulants
.
As a result
 of improved neuronal synapses,
cognitive
Correct article usage
the cognitive
show examples
 and mental abilities of
children
 might be boosted. To illustrate
this
, in the UK
children
 who are playing
video
games
 regularly can solve analytical problems easily and their teachers share that they will be successful in STEM disciplines in the future. These platforms provide great environments for socializing with different people. Most
video
games
 and
TV
programs
 include dialogues which can lead
children
 to learn and understand these dialogues.
Children
 can pick clear pronunciations from television
programs
 and computer
games
, and
therefore
, they might learn their first words or sentences from these gadgets.
For example
, many
children
 learn their first sentences or words through watching
TV
programs
 and
TV
 commercials, unless their parents do not intentionally teach some basic words
such
 as mother or father. In conclusion, I believe spending time with
video
games
 and watching
TV
programs
 are beneficial, and they can improve
mental
Add an article
the mental
show examples
 ability of
children
 because computer
games
 and
TV
programs
 are visual
stimulants
 and provide appropriate environments for
children
 to socialize with different people.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is fully developed with supporting examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Include a range of cohesive devices to link ideas across the essay more effectively.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to fully illustrate how video games and TV programs can enhance mental abilities rather than simply stating the fact.
task achievement
Although you provided an introduction and conclusion, make sure the conclusion summarizes all main points rather than introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Keep each sentence clear and directly relevant to your main argument to maintain strong coherence throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster mental agility
  • strategic thinking
  • inspire creativity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • intellectually stimulating
  • deep thinking
  • patience and perseverance
  • balance and content of screen time
  • active involvement
  • educational and age-appropriate
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