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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #business #company #organization #reason
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I describe the advantages and disadvantages to start a new
business
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instead
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 of working for a
company
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 or organization. Especially, I'll focus on the career development of each people. Overall, I believe that starting a new
business
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 is very valuable for their career. The startup mindset is required even to work in traditional companies. Because the situation of the market is always changing, companies must sell or launch new products or services. Individuals who have launched a
company
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 have
this
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 knowledge, so they work well in a lot of situations in the dairy
business
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 not startups but
also
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 in traditional companies.
For example
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, my colleague has the background
to begin
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 his own
business
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 before. He works in a traditional
company
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 like me now. He show new
business
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 solutions from his experience with the startup to his supervisor many times, and some ideas were adopted into our plan. In
this
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 case, the experience in a startup creates new values in daily work.
In contrast
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, there are disadvantages to developing their own skills by starting a new
business
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instead
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 of joining
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 association. A lot of learning courses for newcomer workers are usually prepared in traditional ones. Thanks to them, they can learn
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
techniques to be needed in daily
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
. If people launch new businesses, they couldn't take these pieces of training and have to learn skills themselves.
However
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, these skills could be got enough with self-learning when people are well motivated. I think
this
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 disadvantage will not become a big deal because individuals who start new businesses are usually very motivated and skilled. In conclusion, I argue that it is good to start a new
business
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 for their career.
This
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 experience is not common but very valuable for every
company
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. I believe the advantage of launching startups outweighs the disadvantage in their life.
Submitted by hama6767 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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