IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the dis advantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people #dis
Museums
 are essential for the preservation of our antiques and historically important monuments. Through
museums
, we can visit our history and culture and even relive it.
Hence
,
museums
 are essential for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nations. There are some
museums
 that provide free admission whereas, there are others that charge an
entry
fee
. I,
however
, believe that they should charge
admission
Correct article usage
an admission
show examples
fee
 as the benefits of it outweighs the disadvantages. On one hand, free
entry
 increases the footfall in the
museum
. Even the people or families that cannot afford an outing can visit a
museum
 if
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 free.
On the other hand
, the footfall may reduce if an
entry
Correct your spelling
fee
show examples
free
Correct your spelling
fee
show examples
 is charged, as not everyone will be able to afford the visit.
Thus
Correct your spelling
This
show examples
,
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to people
been
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 deprived of an opportunity to learn about their history.
However
, there are several pros if an
entry
fee
 is charged
such
 as an
entry
fee
 will provide funds to the
museum
 for
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 maintenance. The
museum
 can be kept clean and in a good condition. In the same
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
 the
entry
fee
 will
also
 enable the
museum
 to acquire more
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
 and monuments for the
museums
. They will
also
 be able to hire instructors and guides that will help the customers to have a better experience and understanding.
For instance
, some
museums
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 a device with the recording of the details of various objects and pieces in the
museum
. The devices
also
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 the direction that people can follow to understand the flow of things. In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of levying a charge on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
museum
 admission
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more than the disadvantages of it as it helps in
maintenance
Add an article
the maintenance
show examples
 of the
museum
 and better quality services can be provided by the
museums
 like the short documentary services, tour guide services, etc.
Submitted by ZeeBee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: