Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age. This is called "peer pressure". Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages.

#people #behaviours #situations #age #peer #pressure

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In the cutting-edge era, the young generation is often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others of the same age, known as "peer pressure". From my perspective, the disadvantages of these notions will outweigh their advantages

due to

Linking Words

various reasons which will be discussed in impending paragraphs. To commence with, there are some merits of

this

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sensitive issue. First and foremost, vast knowledge would be learnt by the youngsters in a short period of time. To elucidate, if young people are influenced by others of the same age, it will help them to acquire information about their surroundings at a faster rate since there is less generation gap between them it would make their conversation easier.

For instance

Linking Words

, a survey

has been

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

conducted on 1000 kids in the

U.S

Correct your spelling

U.S.

in 2018, which articulated that 61% of them were influenced by their companions

due to

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which they had more information about their surroundings than

that

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

39% of youngsters who were isolated from the world because of a lack of friends in their life.

On the contrary

Linking Words

, there are certain groups of people who vehemently contend that there are multifarious drawbacks of enforcement. Primarily, it would make teens acquire bad habits. To explicate, getting

Change preposition

under

show examples

"peer pressure" will

cause

Verb problem

have

show examples

a detrimental impact on juveniles as kids of their age can force them to do

such

Linking Words

things which are not only bad for their health

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

for their guardians.

Besides

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, another concrete demerit is that it would lead children to misbehave with their family members. To elaborate, after an

influcement

Correct your spelling

enforcement

inducement

by their friends, youngsters can do some tasks which could hurt their parents

due to

Linking Words

which their guardians have to face many difficulties in order to overcome their children's bad habits.

To conclude

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although

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there are some merits of the enforcement of teens by their friends, there are many disadvantages of influence meant in the contemporary epoch which outweigh its advantages

due to

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several reasons, which are the acquirement of bad habits

as well as

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hurting their parents.

Submitted by harry.intellistall on Tue Sep 13 2022

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Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your main points are logically organized and connected.

task achievement

Provide a more balanced discussion by considering both sides of the argument.

lexical resource

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grammatical range accuracy

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

338 words

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Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age. This is called "peer pressure". Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think women should be allowed to koin the army, the Navy and the Air force just like man

Some people think that getting old is a negative thing, whereas others think it is much easier for people to live in modern society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.（社会）

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important as other subjects to a child’s development, and they should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree