IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expesive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #expesive #people
Some
people
 argue that by making sugary
products
 more expensive,
people
 will be encouraged to buy less of these
products
.
Although
this
 might appear to be a good solution, I believe that it can’t be effective permanently. The continuing demand for consuming sugary
products
 is not mainly just because they are cheap and delicious, and it is more because
people
 are not properly informed of how using them can harm their health.
This
 is why increasing the
prices
 cannot stop
people
 from using them. Since most
people
 don’t know how much of each component a product has or aren’t aware of the upcoming harms, they will continue buying sugary
products
 even if they are expensive. After a while,
people
 will get used to the
prices
.
This
 is because the barrier of
prices
 is not powerful enough. Even if the request decreases due to high
prices
,
this
 change would be temporary. A rise in the
prices
 of sugary
products
 will result in an increase in the profits of the companies that make them. As a consequence, they can expand their business and
therefore
, even more, sugary
products
 will be available in the market. The variety and availability not only cannot stop
people
 from buying these
products
 but
also
 may give them more reasons to do the opposite. In conclusion, I believe the concerns about the harm these
products
 do to our health are right but trying to prevent
people
 from using sugary
products
 is not a good way of controlling
this
 problem.
Submitted by bayatz80 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: