IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expesive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #expesive #people
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Some
people
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 argue that by making sugary
products
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 more expensive,
people
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 will be encouraged to buy less of these
products
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.
Although
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this
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 might appear to be a good solution, I believe that it can’t be effective permanently. The continuing demand for consuming sugary
products
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 is not mainly just because they are cheap and delicious, and it is more because
people
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 are not properly informed of how using them can harm their health.
This
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 is why increasing the
prices
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 cannot stop
people
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 from using them. Since most
people
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 don’t know how much of each component a product has or aren’t aware of the upcoming harms, they will continue buying sugary
products
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 even if they are expensive. After a while,
people
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 will get used to the
prices
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.
This
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 is because the barrier of
prices
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 is not powerful enough. Even if the request decreases due to high
prices
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,
this
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 change would be temporary. A rise in the
prices
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 of sugary
products
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 will result in an increase in the profits of the companies that make them. As a consequence, they can expand their business and
therefore
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, even more, sugary
products
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 will be available in the market. The variety and availability not only cannot stop
people
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 from buying these
products
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 but
also
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 may give them more reasons to do the opposite. In conclusion, I believe the concerns about the harm these
products
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 do to our health are right but trying to prevent
people
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 from using sugary
products
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 is not a good way of controlling
this
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 problem.
Submitted by bayatz80 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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