IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people are working longer and longer hours. What are the reasons and effects?

#people #hours #effects
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In
this
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 modern world,
work
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 is essential to earn a living and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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survive. We are observing that many
people
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 are working longer and longer
hours
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 today. We will discuss
Correct your spelling
further
further in
furtherin
Correct your spelling
further
about
Change preposition
apply
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the reasons and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 effects.
Firstly
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,
people
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work
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 long
hours
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in
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with
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 the aim of getting more money.Lots of
people
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 are
unfortunately
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,unfortunately
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, getting a very low salary which is not enough to support their family and they have no other choices
to
Correct word choice
but to
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work
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 overtime and gain some surplus money. Obviously, when these
people
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work
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 longer
hours
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, they neglect their
family
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families
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 and are extremely overwhelmed,
thus
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 they may have health issues.
Secondly
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, today, some companies are reducing their resources,
thus
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 the load of
work
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 stays the same,
therefore
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 the existing employees feel obliged to
work
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 overtime to achieve their target or commitment. In many
countries
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, when parents
work
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 long
hours
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, family and children feel neglected, leading to misunderstanding in the family. There are many
countries
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 where globalization is happening, unfortunately, these
countries
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 do not have enough workforce due to an ageing population who does not want to have children. So,
people
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needs
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need
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 to
work
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 hard , but, on the other side until all these jobs are filled, many
countries
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 are considering immigration to alleviate the workload of these
people
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. In conclusion, working long
hours
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 is bad for
Correct your spelling
an
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and
Correct your spelling
an
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 individual. The government should impose strict laws for
people
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 to have a
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Add a hyphen
work-life
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work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
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 balance so that
one
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can enjoy
some
Correct determiner usage
a
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 good time with their family.
Additionally
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, all
countries
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 should set a fixed minimum salary which will allow a decent salary for some
people
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 to support their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 without the need to
work
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 long
hours
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.
Submitted by amandachokupermal on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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