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Band 4

Many people are working longer and longer hours. What are the reasons and effects?

#people #hours #effects
In
this
 modern world,
work
 is essential to earn a living and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
survive. We are observing that many
people
 are working longer and longer
hours
 today. We will discuss
Correct your spelling
further
further in
furtherin
Correct your spelling
further
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the reasons and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 effects.
Firstly
,
people
work
 long
hours
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the aim of getting more money.Lots of
people
 are
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
,unfortunately
show examples
, getting a very low salary which is not enough to support their family and they have no other choices
to
Correct word choice
but to
show examples
work
 overtime and gain some surplus money. Obviously, when these
people
work
 longer
hours
, they neglect their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 and are extremely overwhelmed,
thus
 they may have health issues.
Secondly
, today, some companies are reducing their resources,
thus
 the load of
work
 stays the same,
therefore
 the existing employees feel obliged to
work
 overtime to achieve their target or commitment. In many
countries
, when parents
work
 long
hours
, family and children feel neglected, leading to misunderstanding in the family. There are many
countries
 where globalization is happening, unfortunately, these
countries
 do not have enough workforce due to an ageing population who does not want to have children. So,
people
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to
work
 hard , but, on the other side until all these jobs are filled, many
countries
 are considering immigration to alleviate the workload of these
people
. In conclusion, working long
hours
 is bad for
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 individual. The government should impose strict laws for
people
 to have a
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 balance so that
one
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can enjoy
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 good time with their family.
Additionally
, all
countries
 should set a fixed minimum salary which will allow a decent salary for some
people
 to support their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 without the need to
work
 long
hours
.
Submitted by amandachokupermal on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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