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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you thing the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #parents #children #home #school #outweigh
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In some nations, many
children
Use synonyms
 have been educated by their
parents
Use synonyms
 at
home
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 rather than being sent to
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
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. I believe that the demerits of
this
Linking Words
 way of learning
is
Change the verb form
are
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 more than the merits which will be discussed
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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. Being educated students at
home
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 by their
parents
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 would be wasteful and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 detrimental effects on their future. Because education should be considered expertise and it is impossible to be educated by mediocre people in society like
parents
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. In doing so, pupils would not learn deeply a complex subject
such
Linking Words
 as math
due to
Linking Words
 lack of access to comprehensive materials or valuable sources of learning. Another disadvantages that need to be considered is communication
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skill
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skills
show examples
. Students need to learn how to communicate with their peers to improve their interaction
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 so essential nowadays in
community
Correct article usage
the community
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. If
parents
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 had
knew
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known
show examples
 the importance of school and communication
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
, they would have not allowed their
children
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 to be educated at
home
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, A survey has been done by the
university
Capitalize word
University
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 of Standford, it indicated that students who
are being educating
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are being educated
are educating
show examples
 remotely, they not only
are
Verb problem
apply
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less sociable but
also
Linking Words
 more dependent people in society.
However
Linking Words
, the merit of teaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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 at
home
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to be taken into consideration. I think
this
Linking Words
 is the best way for
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 are studying and earning money simultaneously. In
this
Linking Words
 case, time is precious and
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 priority over everything for them, so
this
Linking Words
 approach is
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
 and they can teach their
children
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 the most important subjects
instead
Linking Words
 of teaching irrelevant
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
.
Take some
Verb problem
Some
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 religious lessons are salient
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
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 of irrelevant
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 that are being taught at school which are not useful in
reality
Replace the word
the real
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 world. It not only is time-consuming, but
also
Linking Words
 it
declining
Wrong verb form
declines
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 the learner’s energy and concentration. So, parent
have
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has
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strong
Add an article
a strong
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 inclination towards
bring
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bringing
show examples
 up their
children
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 to improve
the
Change the word
their
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 literacy which is useful in the long haul.
To sum up
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, communication
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 lack of access to valuable
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 are the disadvantages of being educated by
parents
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;
however
Linking Words
, the only benefit of studying at
home
Use synonyms
 is
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Revise the structure and variety of your sentences to enhance clarity and flow. Including a mix of complex and simple sentences can make your argument more compelling.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, consider incorporating more examples from real-life scenarios or academic studies. This can add depth and persuasiveness to your points.
Language
While your essay makes good points, work on the accuracy of expressions and the precision of language to avoid generalized statements. Using more precise language will help clarify your arguments.
Task Response
Consider revisiting your arguments for balance. While discussing advantages and disadvantages, ensure both sides are equally examined to avoid a biased presentation unless your position is explicitly stated.
Content Understanding
You've provided a thoughtful analysis on the topic, reflecting a good understanding of the subject matter.
Structure
Your essay has a clear structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Argumentation
You've shown an ability to form an argument and support it, which is crucial for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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