IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that public health within a country can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #health #country #government #laws #food #matter #choice #responsibility
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Individuals believe that the administration should encourage to healthy society's well-being, while others say that an individual's
health
Use synonyms
 is only their own priority and not the authority responsible for it. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both sides. On the one hand, healthy
life
Use synonyms
 is a crucial role in human existence and The
Use synonyms
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 involvement
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's well-being is
Add an article
a
show examples
significant part of its society. implementing new laws and regulations for food consumption and quality has several benefits for future
health
Use synonyms
. Whereby, it would help to reduce
health
Use synonyms
 issues. Nowadays lots of
people
Use synonyms
 have
health
Use synonyms
 problems
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, cholesterol and diabetes etc. The reason is that they consume toxic food and contained highly adverse ingredients.
people
Use synonyms
 do not know about it, that's why the
government
Use synonyms
 should involve and solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Mexico, the
government
Use synonyms
 enforce regulation on younger children's food consumption, highly sugary foods
prohibited
Add a missing verb
are prohibited
show examples
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 consumption
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 children and package lebal on sugar levels.
As a result
Linking Words
, It would aid certainly improve their healthy
life
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, governments can not tackle these obstacles without individual help individually
people
Use synonyms
 should take action for their own well-being. Because
people
Use synonyms
 can control their own behaviours. I strongly believe
people
Use synonyms
 can take care of their own
life
Use synonyms
, not governments responsible for their
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, research shows, that
people
Use synonyms
 who have been diagnosed with diabetes have excessive favourites for sweet foods. Preparing only healthy meals can reduce
health
Use synonyms
 issues. Whereby,
people
Use synonyms
 can see prominent
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, after a thorough analysis of the topic,
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should improve
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 others say individuals' well-being
their
Add a missing verb
is their
show examples
 own priority.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
individually
Replace the word
individual
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 only can maintain their own
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Sasha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: