IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

People are spending a lot of money in art and sports events. Is this a good or bad thing? Give your opinion.

#people #money #art #sports #events
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Art
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Use synonyms
 are popular topics among
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays, a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 found them interesting,
therefore
Linking Words
, they are willing to spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 on them. In my opinion, spending
money
Use synonyms
 on something that you like is not always a bad thing,
however
Linking Words
, spending
money
Use synonyms
 should be limited according to an individual's ability.
Art
Use synonyms
 can express many feelings differently according to each
people
Use synonyms
's background and experiences. A
lot
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 feel calm and peaceful after looking at some artworks as well as decorating them in their homes which gives them a positive atmosphere and improves their mental health.
For instance
Linking Words
, I got a piece of
art
Use synonyms
 as a birthday gift from my best friend and I put it in my bedroom which always gave me positive energy every time when I watched it.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is very reasonable that
people
Use synonyms
 would like to purchase artwork for the reason that it can benefit one's life in some ways
such
Linking Words
 as mental health. Some
people
Use synonyms
 especially men spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 on attending
sports
Use synonyms
 events and
sports
Use synonyms
 items which is very acceptable because different
people
Use synonyms
 have different hobbies and every individual has the right to do so. Apart from that, watching
sports
Use synonyms
 can give some
people
Use synonyms
 happiness and a cheerful feeling which is a very great thing.
For example
Linking Words
, my best friend used to spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 on watching football matches,
therefore
Linking Words
 she loved to exercise which helped her get in shape and healthy because she got inspiration from football players who are very in shape and look healthy. In conclusion, spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
art
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Use synonyms
 events is not always a bad thing, but
people
Use synonyms
 should make their decision before every spending, and measure their abilities beforehand. Spending
money
Use synonyms
 more than your buying ability is unreasonable and should not be supported.
Submitted by clairchengun on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: