IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some believe technology has made our lives too complex and the solution is to lead a simpler life without technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#believe #technology #lives #life
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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, using
technology
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 is an essential topic to discuss and analyze at the same time that most
people
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 are interested in daily. In the recent time,
this
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 point is important.
Otherwise
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, it is controversial. It is important to speak about the pros and cons of using
technology
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 for
people
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. There are some distinctive benefits of using
technology
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.
First,
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people
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 get information and develop their learning skills. There have been immense advances in
technology
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 in most aspects of the lives of
people
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.
In other words
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, it is active in every realm of
society
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. Individuals believe in the role of using
technology
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 in
society
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. It will impact in a positive way on
people
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.
Second,
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people
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 contact easily with each other. I work as a host aviation, and I understand that using
technology
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 is very necessary for
people
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. When I travel to several countries, I discover the importance of using
technology
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 in their societies.
Moreover
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, using
technology
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 can have a positive effect on the environment. A new study from Chicago University shows that about 80% of individuals around the world use
technology
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. 70% of them prefer to use all smart devices. On the other side, there are many negatives. One of them is that anybody may spend lots of money on it. Facts in
this
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 field have proved that it has an impact on
society
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.
Also
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, the health of humans may be affected. These are the major reasons why a large number of
people
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 go to other options.
To sum up
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, using
technology
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 has brought many benefits to
society
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.
However
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, it is likely to produce many negative effects soon, but
people
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 cannot stop depending on it.
Submitted by walkuwari11 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, the introduction could be more concise and more clearly state your position on the topic.
task achievement
Some of the ideas presented are clear and relevant, but they need more elaboration and specific examples to be fully developed. Try to provide more detailed explanations to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay needs a stronger logical structure. Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly from one idea to the next. Use transition words to enhance coherence and clarify the relationship between your points.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view on the topic.
task achievement
The essay benefits from the use of relevant examples, like the study from Chicago University, which adds credibility to your points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay, providing a clear wrap-up of the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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