Some people believe that sports competitions are a source of emotional stress for young people. Therefore, youth should be banned from participating in sports competitions. Do you agree or disagree?

Competing in games is a cause of emotional tension for youngsters,
assumed
Correct word choice
as assumed
show examples
by a few sections of society. In reference to
this
, they should not take
part
in
sports
challenges. In
this
essay, I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
argue why youth should not keep away from
sports
challenges.
Firstly
, taking
part
in
sports
competitions
leads to developing problem-solving skills because
while
playing against opponents, stress which is positive in terms of thinking quickly
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is developed.
This
leads to making the player capable
to deal
Change preposition
of dealing
show examples
with problems. As an illustration, it is evident that players always manage their intricacies in more positive ways as compared to others who do not play.
Thereby
Rephrase
Therefore
show examples
, young minds should not refrain from games
competitions
.
Secondly
, playing games in the field
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
the growth of juveniles.
This
is
due to
the fact that during competition, competitors inculcate the skills to deliver their best under pressure. A famous cricketer Sachin Tendulkar,
for instance
, stated in an interview that cricket helps him to grow because he has to give his best at the playground
while
playing test series.
Thus
, youngsters should
persuade
Wrong verb form
be persuaded
show examples
to take
part
in game
competitions
.
Thirdly
, participating in physical plays brings other qualities which are essential for youth to develop a better society
such
as sportsmanship, patience, anger management and rapid response development. In fact, taking
part
in
competitions
is the best way to develop these qualities in juveniles as they have a lot of energy in them. In
this
way, they can make full use of their energy on the field
instead
of indulging in other dangerous activities.
Hence
, youngsters should
allow taking
Wrong verb form
be allowed to take
show examples
part
in
sports
competitions
. In conclusion,
although
game challenges could result in emotional stress yet, it is healthy for juveniles to produce problem-solving skills, for growth and develop other imperative qualities.
Therefore
, fresh blood should take
part
in
sports
competitions
.
Submitted by immysandhu94 on

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Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument supported by examples. However, ensure that all points directly link back to the main argument for better clarity and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong and effectively frame the discussion. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance coherence.

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