Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

It is observed that youngsters spend more
time
on their mobile
devices
daily. To me,
this
may be due to attractive
applications
found on telephones.
However
, I believe it is a negative trend as we shall see in
this
essay.
First
and foremost, technology has revolutionalized our world today
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
parents gift their children tele
devices
on special occasions like their birthdays. Some teenagers tend to abandon assignments after school to play games or surf the net for the rest of the day.
This
has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
to
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
of them
been
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
to phones and has resulted
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
poor academic performance.
For instance
, a survey carried out by
Ministry
Correct article usage
the Ministry
show examples
of Education in Nigeria shows that educational attainment has decreased in
this
era because of the amount of
time
spent on the internet by children.
Thus
,
time
consumed on operating phones
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
caused more harm than good. A detailed evaluation of the situation above gives me a distinct impression that
this
may be due to certain features or
applications
seen on mobile
devices
. Youngsters are easily distracted
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
new
applications
seen on smartphones and want to explore
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
to find out every detail about
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Some spend hours on Tik
tok
Change the capitalization
Tok
show examples
, new games, Facebook and Instagram.
For example
, my cousin updated her phone and saw some free
applications
added, she became addicted to the phone,
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
more hours on it and was asked to repeat a class because of poor academic performance. In conclusion, youngsters spend more
time
on their mobile
devices
daily due to the attractive
applications
it has.
However
, I feel it is a step in the wrong direction because of
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
educational achievement observed in them.
Submitted by chikajoy23.rn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: