IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’ How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

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These days, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 own
cars
Use synonyms
, and
as a consequence
Linking Words
, everywhere on the roads is full of long-term
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion. These issues could be solved by investing and improving the quality of public
transport
Use synonyms
 infrastructure.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the number of private
cars
Use synonyms
 on the road is increasing sharply, which is leading to never-stop
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams. Because a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 go to work and reach their destination by car,at rush hour there are long lines of
cars
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
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, drivers spend most of their time on roads reaching their destination.
For example
Linking Words
, Los Angeles, California, is notorious for its
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion. The city consistently ranks among the top cities in the world for
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion, with commuters spending an average of 119 hours stuck in
traffic
Use synonyms
 in 2019.
Thus
Linking Words
, individuals are wasting their
lifetime
Fix the agreement mistake
lifetimes
show examples
 on roads. In order to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue, one feasible approach is
that
Correct word choice
for
show examples
 governments
Fix the infinitive
to invest
show examples
invest
Fix the infinitive
to invest
show examples
 in building and developing public infrastructure transportation networks. By improving the quality of service, and reducing costs, they can encourage commuters to use public transportation.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 2019 the city Zurich of Switzerland
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 implemented a comprehensive overhaul of its public
transport
Use synonyms
 system, including expanding tram and bus routes, improving frequency and reliability, and integrating different modes of transportation
such
Linking Words
 as trains, trams, buses, and bicycles into a seamless network.
As a result
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 using public
transport
Use synonyms
 increased significantly, with more commuters opting to take buses, trams, and trains
instead
Linking Words
 of driving their
cars
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if the government take enough actions to qualify the public
transport
Use synonyms
 system,
people
Use synonyms
 will tend to use less private
cars
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. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 many citizens
utilizing
Wrong verb form
utilise
show examples
 their own
cars
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 , it is causing numerous problems.
Hence
Linking Words
, authorities should discourage
people
Use synonyms
 from using it by expanding public
transport
Use synonyms
 frequency and quality.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structure to make the essay more engaging and less repetitive.
Task achievement
Try to further develop your examples with more in-depth analysis to strengthen your argument.
General
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical mistakes and ensure that your ideas are clearly articulated for the reader.
Structure
You have a good structure in your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Examples
Your use of example, particularly the one about Zurich's public transport system, provides a strong support for your arguments.
Task Response
You successfully addressed the prompt by discussing the problem thoroughly and suggesting a realistic solution.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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