IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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In order to under, human progression in
last
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 couple of decades; nobody can eliminate that the key role played by
science
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. Despite the development
people
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’s efficiency through
science
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; it cannot be narrow down to soul purpose is to alleviate human lives.
This
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 essay will explore an argument
further
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 supporting, that major role of the
science
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 is broader than a tool; for advancing
people
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 lives. Daliy activities of millions of
people
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 around the
world
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; become simple and creative
due to
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 the technological development. As initial point, to leap civilization from farming to industrialization;
science
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-based discovery came first to anyone mind, more than anything.
For example
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, discovery of combustion engine transferred manual work force to machines: transportation, production efficiency and capacity and home improvements.
However
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, beyond the tangible discoveries; intangible innovations pop up through the mathematical theories that pushed machines into another steps which called AI drives the industry 4.0. Be that as it may,
people
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 could ponder sole purpose of the
science
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 as above examples, building things that necessary to improve day to day life of
people
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. But
Science
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 has ultimate goal, where its main focus is on to understand universe and
world
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 we are living in.
For instance
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, best scientific minds
such
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 as Galelo, Newton and Einstein were never done their scientific findings by solely focusing on, how these theories will help to human daily activities,
in other words
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 they were able to discover sliver of unfathomable mechanisms that drives
this
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world
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.
As a result
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, these findings were used by later generation to create novel products that helps to current generation: Einstein general relativity helped to create geostationary satellite and Newton’s ideas used to create machines and other moving mechanism. All things considered, main goal of
science
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 not merely to support or create some accessories for making
people
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 lives better.
Above all
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 it’s an intellectual subject that developed by human in many generation to understand beyond our
world
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.
Submitted by magma8000 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly stated and well-organized. For instance, it is important to clarify your position on whether you agree or disagree with the statement fully, partially, or not at all by the end of your essay, ensuring reader comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using transitions and connectors more effectively. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments and see the connections between your points.
task achievement
Work on grammar and sentence structure to reduce errors. Practice writing clear and concise sentences to avoid confusion. For example, review subject-verb agreement and proper use of punctuation.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by including more specific, detailed examples that directly relate to your key points. This will make your essay more persuasive and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides relevant points about the role of science in improving people’s lives and advancing human knowledge.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong framework for the discussion.
task achievement
You have utilized some complex structures and attempted to use advanced vocabulary, which is commendable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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