some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortages of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Many have different views when it comes to handling challenging events in daily life. Some
argues
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argue

The singular verb argues does not appear to agree with the plural subject Some. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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working
towards
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toward

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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making changes to counteract the bad effects while others support accepting things as they are and moving on. I am in agreement with the former view. On one hand, demanding a better future has its own benefits.
Firstly
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, the developments
,
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apply

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and innervations are founded by the very nature of humans who
incline
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are incline

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to make advances in the standards of living. For, instance, Dr Louis Pasteur found the germ theory because he strived to tackle human diseases and help fellow beings to live without infections.
Thus
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, for the world to move forward we should not just be passive in face of adversaries.
Secondly
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, It would give a sense of hope and strength to sail across difficult times.
Instead
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of repenting and feeling
beaten
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beat

The past participle verb beaten has been used without an auxiliary verb. Consider adding one or using the past simple instead.

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up, if, someone works towards achieving a solution, that person would indeed be much at ease despite the outcome.
On the other hand
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, there is only one reason many don't take any action in difficulties which is, being afraid of being hurt. When one rebels, demands, stand-up it is natural to sometime receive a reaction that we didn't dare to think of. Fear of the unexpected
ocurrence
Correct your spelling
occurrence

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keeps us to comply with an absurd situation.
For instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many employees dare not raise their voices against discriminating employers because of the fear of losing their job. Even though
,
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apply

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doing so might put the worker at risk, there is a legal system that can be sorted to protect the victims. In conclusion, working towards improvement has greater merits than being quiet.
This
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stems new creations as well
puts
Correct word choice
as puts

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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those who face adversaries more at ease. Despite negative backlash would be a side effect of raising against bad things, its benefits are far greater.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pragmatic approach
  • mental peace
  • stoic attitude
  • proactive measures
  • personal growth
  • financial management
  • sense of accomplishment
  • resignation
  • helplessness
  • stress and burnout
  • fatalism
  • collective well-being
  • self-determination
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